my man

 the repairman for my beloved dryer was scheduled to come tomorrow. yesterday i came home from swim lessons with the girls to find tyson "fiddling" with it.  i almost, almost, almost asked him to stop touching my dryer. i'm thankful that ty is a handyman, but my washer and dryer are no touchy touchies for the kids and him. automatic time out my friends.

and just as i opened my mouth to ask him to stop he said, "i think i fixed it." what? what? holy guacamole i hope you are right. so, i took a deep breath. pushed the start button and stepped back.

guess what? he fixed it.

he also fixed the whole $350 dollar ebay mess up too.

and he's fixing my a/c tonight.

i need to make him chocolate chip cookies or something to say thanks. but i know i'd just end up eating them tonight in my marathon nursing session.


it was the best week...it was the worst week

i feel like i can almost take a breath of air for a few minutes here. every day things have been getting better and better, with some sprinkles of hard times in between.

the highlights of the week were
1. having my sister danna here to help ALL WEEK LONG! yes, every morning she arrived bright and early to take care of me and phoebe and abby and lucy and the baby. we laughed and played and had serious talks and pow wowed over the girls' different needs right now and how to take care of them. we cleaned together and watched BBC dramas together and had a grand time.  she made sure i got at least one nap every day. heaven help me, a nap every day! it helped me to not kill the other children.

2. baby rodney. he is still a sweet little peaceful soul and his peter is all healed up. yay! and thank goodness, is starting to go a litttttle bit longer in between night feedings. bless his little heart-i love him but sleep deprivition is my kryptonite.

3. the girls are settling down. a littttttle bit at a time. the tv and computer are on 24/7 along with our air conditioning. we are all inside the house like it's a blizzard out.

the low points of the week:
1. the car a/c died

2. my bestest, most favorite, most expensivethingi'veeverpurchased dryer died. blah.

3. one of our children who will not be named snuck onto the computer while ebay was on and purchased a $350 dollar cabbage patch doll. yes, that was not $3.50, but three HUNDRED and fifty dollars. ahhh!

4. ty's work truck a/c died. (he fixed it)

5. and then ty's work truck died. (then he fixed that)

6. our home phone is on the fritz too. (why not right?)

6. the girls broke my favorite hair brush. not that i've been using it lately, but someday i was going to blow dry it again right?

7. we received the hospital bills yesterday. really? can't they just wait another week or so?

7. i've tried to write the birth story a million times, and just don't know how to do it. here's a sneak peak: i had my first baby without an epidural. and i guess i'm still trying to figure out how i feel about the entire experience, plus it was pretty blurry for about a half hour or so...you know...near the end : )

but here is a picture of our week:
two week old baby rod
 this is how i look 21 hours of the day that i'm awake
 this is usually how much fun the girls had with auntie danna
 oh, we miss her already


seen and heard

me: well, i've got good news and bad news.
tyson: oh, go for it.
me: the good news is is that baby rodney lost his umbilical cord.
tyson: uh huh
me: the bad news is, is that i can't find it.
tyson: what?
me: well, it was gone this morning, so it fell off during a diaper change in the middle of the night.
tyson: gross.

*we found it this morning

all the girl cousins were prancing around the room in new matching dresses.

me: oh, watching them all makes me kind of sad Rodney isn't a girl.
tyson: not me!

*it was really funny at the moment, i guess you had to be there.


the blue period

i hesitate to write this down. because in a few minutes i could be sad again and this wouldn't be fun to read later on.

i've heard from friends and family how they get the blues after a baby. weepy, emotional, sad. i've never had that and wondered why on earth you could feel sad after having a baby?  yes, i'm quite cavalier in my judgemental thoughts.

and here i am. happy, oh so happy to have a baby! and then wham, i get sideswiped with sadness. why is the baby awake again?  why aren't the girls listening? how can i ever take care of 4 kids? the best ones are when i feel betrayed. i blame all my friends x, y, z for making it looks so easy with large broods.  the worst thought i've had since bringing home baby rodney? what if this is as good as it will ever be with 4? ahhh! talk about panic attack.

don't get me wrong things haven't been terrible. they've been actually quite wonderful. 70% of the time the girls are sweet with rodney and give him loves and then ignore him for the rest of the day. it's perfect! and then there is the remaining 30% where lucy is crying over the bumps in her hair and abby is still in her pj's spraying hairspray on the walls and phoebe is decorating my pottery barn european shams with mascara while rodney is screaming because he has pooped again and is hungry again.

it's hard to really relate how i feel, because i'm starting to feel sad again just writing this stuff down. i think a list will help.

hear the things i will block out of my memory:

  • how crazy phoebe was the day we came home and it made me want to go back to the hospital. (note picture above)
  • how we were sent home with strict instructions to not remove his gauze from his peter for an hour. and then he pooped 10 minutes later in the car. so i had to change the diaper and the gauzecameoff! and he was screaming, and i was crying and i couldn't find the diaper or the vaseline and there was blood everywhere! it was more than awful.
  • how difficult it is to change a boy's diaper. DIFFICULT. 
  • how just when you think you are doing a good job as a parent, you are sent a baby that will make you feel like you have no clue what you are doing all over again.
  • how you gave birth to a piranha and only get bursts of sleep 45 minutes at a time ALL NIGHT LONG. 
  • the bad morning where ty went back to work and the entire world fell apart.
  • hearing abby talk to her shoes and say, "my mommy is grumpy today"
  • hearing lucy cry in her room and say, "you're scaring me mommy!" 
but here are some things in the last 6 days that i want to remember:
me and baby rodney, finding out we were going home!
  • how wonderful ty was during the delivery.
  • all the great baseball we got to watch together. alone. well, maybe baby counts?
  • phoebe asking to hold the baby and beaming for the .04 seconds she held him
  • lucy and abby telling me how they found baby rodney's binky while i was in the shower and got him to stop crying (it was phoebe's binky, but hey, it worked). they were so proud.
  • ty talking to the baby when he holds him.
  • all the smiling faces of the wonderful family and friends who have visited us.
  • all the wonderful meals and gifts.
  • all the amazing hours of play dates friends and families have done for the girls.
  • how baby rodney holds my finger and shirt while he nurses. he has the cutest little worried furrow. i guess eating takes lots of concentration.
  • how we had a baby and left the hospital the next day with the baby. what a blessing.
  • the nurse from Overton and Carolyn my delivery nurse.
  • all the sweet texts and emails i've received.
  • how little he cried during his circumcision. (ouch!)



Rodney Byron Leavitt
5:01 am  Saturday, June 11th 2011

everything is happening so fast around here, i wanted to take some time and post the pictures of little Rod's birth.  there is nothing more beautiful than those first few days of life.

just a few minutes old
proud poppy
notice huge gorilla feet
next time i'll remember to ask ty how my hair looks.
baby Rodney's namesake: Grandpa Rod
the girls love to hold him

i don't have the energy or time to write his birth story yet. but boy oh boy, is it a good one.
we are very pleased to be a family of 6.
and i'm very, very pleased to sleep on my stomach again.


announcement, announcement, announcement!

Saturday, June 11th 2011
we welcomed our little baby boy
Rodney Byron
7lbs 12 oz 19.5 "

details coming soon.


seen and heard

dr: so, how are you feeling?
me: physically? great. mentally? not so great.
dr: do you want to schedule an induction date?
me: no, no. i want to go on my own.
dr: good for you. well just don't go tonight because it's my anniversary.
me: ok. i'll try not to.

do you have any idea how much i wanted to say YES!!!!!!!!  and schedule an induction date?

but no, no, no. i sit and patiently wait and hope that i can make it till Wednesday.

because that's when my mommy gets back into town.

here's to a great weekend.

ps- if i make it past saturday it will be my record for gestating! i've never made it past 39 weeks. this is getting kind of cool! and also making me wonder if the bun in the oven is different than the others (do i dare believe it could be a boy?)

one of my roses


still here...still here

don't take the writing absence as a sign that i've delivered a child. i was just informed this week that i am the first woman that will never deliver her baby.

honestly, i wrote an entire full length post of the insanity going on in my brain right now. but instead you get this:  i am comfortable. the baby is getting strong and healthy. we are having a fun time getting things done around here. i am not, repeat, not going to labor any time soon. and that's ok.

today my sisters are both in town and cooked us a delicious meal.
i finished the living room curtains.
ty mowed the lawn
my mother-in-law helped paint the girls chair rail (thank you!)
i'm almost done with some throw pillows.
danna took these amazing photos of our children for us. 
i love them.

that is all.

 lucy, cousin sydney and the willow trees


it's the end of the world...and we know it

there's a huge fat elephant in our house these days.

and it's not just me.

change is lurking in the corners of the family room. in the bedrooms when i turn of the lights at night or put their shoes away. when we visit friends or plan a trip for the summer. change. change. change. i can hear it all the time.

no matter what happens with this baby, or when it comes. things are never going to be the same. i watch the girls play together, so carefree and easy. i listen to lucy's excitement over her kindergarten play and things her friends have worn/said/did in school during lunchtime, realizing next year she will still be at school at lunch.  i watch phoebe put on her shoes, squeeze the kittens to pieces and scoop her cereal trying to remember all the little moments. i don't want to forget or feel ungrateful for all that i have.

i'm also beginning to realize how much faith it takes to accept another little soul into your family.

in less dramatic news, we attended lucy's ballet recital last night (i can't believe she is my daughter when she's up there) and abby exclaimed this at the dinner table:
  "What if the baby EXPLODED out of your tummy? hahahahah!"  not funny abigail. not funny at all.

 phoebe biffed it on the swings outside yesterday and has a nice little road rash on her face to prove it.


it's JUNE

yesterday morning i forgot all cleaning activities and went to the park with friends. the weather was more than pleasant and it was great to let the girls get out and about.  i was surprised to hear my phone ring, and see that cousin Stephanie was calling me from here. I picked up to hear her lovely voice sing "happy june! you made it!"  it was great to chat with her.

and yes, if the baby is a girl, the name June is in the running for her middle name.

at the dr's yesterday we didn't find any new news. my body has done all the work it can do except go into active labor. every morning ty asks, "so...how do you feel?"  today i replied, "i feel so good. i'm pretty sure this baby is never going to come. at least...i'm sure not until i get really uncomfortable"  he laughed and went to work.  my body is so ripe i feel like a walking biohazard. i've considered having a sign put on my back that says, "WARNING: babies falling"

in other news, here are some pictures of the girls this weekend. we had a great time.

 lucy cut the strawberries for breakfast, arranged them and wanted me to put the picture on the blog : )
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