the birth story-el quatro

now, i could make this short and sweet and say that i delivered my fourth baby without any pain medication and it was an amazingly blissful experience.

or i could tell you the truth. and if you know me by now, you have already got a pillow to sit on and some popcorn to get through this story.

so friday contractions started again. no biggie. same old same old. we had just gone to the hospital 4 days earlier for  a dry run. you know, just to make sure we knew how to get there and all. but friday morning i woke up excited to clean the house. that was the first sign. we had a fun morning at the splash pad and then i spent the entire day happily (there's the clue again) scrubbing the sinks and mopping and cleaning cleaning cleaning. at 2pm the squeezies started getting more longer and stronger than any other ones. by around 5:30pm i was one giant contraction and started making dinner. was i in pain? nope, not really. but that has been the case with early labor for all of my kids. sit back, relax, have a good time! by 9pm we were in the car heading to the hospital. i knew i was in labor and didn't want to wait too long because when you live 80 minutes away from where you give birth... well, it's a tough decision.

by the time we actually did reach the hospital it was 11pm (mst), the contractions were 4 minutes apart and i was at 5cm. ugh! all that work and only a 5. i was bummed when they told me that because i automatically felt that we came in too early. and at a hospital, time literally is money. the fun part of arriving when we did though is we had our nurse from our dry run on monday. she knew all about us and even remembered that my mom was out of town already. it was nice having a familiar face there.

so, blah blah blah an hour later i was a 6 and truly in "labor". but i tend to hang around the magical number 6 for awhile.  after an hour and a half of walking the halls i had a lot of pressure, you know, down there, and we did the obligatory check. there was no change but my bag of waters was bulging (isn't that the coolest thing you've ever read on here?). we were hoping to just break 'em and ride the baby out, but his (it still feels so weird to write that) head was at a funky angle that put my at risk for a prolapsed cord. they convinced me to go on the lowest dose of pitocin to get the head in the right position. i think as soon as i heard pitocin i should have opted for the epidural.

this is where time stop existing for me. i focused on staying relaxed and calm through the contractions. i hated that i was stuck in the bed now, and should have stood up next to it, but honestly i was so tired at this point i just collapsed there. ty held my hand and helped encourage me in between each one. i was handling them quite well at this point.  at 4am they told me that my dr. was coming in shortly and we'd decide what to do after that, i was still a 6 at this point but the head was exactly where it needed to be. success! i think my doc arrived around 4:20 or 4:30ish? it's all a blur. i wasn't really up for chit chat at this point if you know what i mean. he broke my water and pronounced that the baby was close, but i was still a 6. immediately i started shaking and knew transition had started. this is where i remind myself that transition from a 6 to delivery has lasted only 10-15 minutes with my last 2 deliveries. i should also note that  this was always an easy experience with an epidural. this time...well, not so easy.

there are women who feel "empowered" by birth and love letting it takes it's course. yes, the pain is natural and we are supposed to feel it so you're willing to push an entire human being out of your body. but c'mon, it was not empowering one little bit for me. i don't know if it's because of the pitocin so it wasn't "natural" contractions at this point or i'm just not cut out for it, but it wasn't kosher at all in my book.

you guys, i was a big fat wimpy wimp.  oh! it was awful. you know those birth videos where the mom is screaming bloody murder and the dad has a scared "deerintheheadlights" look and it's absolute craziness? welcome to my delivery my friends.  ok, so i didn't scream but still!

without my nice comfy amniotic fluid surrounding baby- the contractions sucked. i was writhing around in the bed like an injured animal. whining, moaning, gripping ty's hand like a ninja. my dr. came in to check me what seemed like ages later and i was an 8. close, but no cigar. at this point my eyes were always shut but my dr. noticing that i was not handling the pain like a champ asked, "do you want an epidural?" and i opened my eyes and said "yes!"  he looked me straight into my eyes and said, "ok annie, we can call him up and wait for him and get one, or...we can just get this over with right now."  now i ask you, what kind of an ob convinces you to NOT get pain relief?

it was a pretty convincing argument to me as i just wanted all of it to stop. immediately. so he let me start pushing that instant (i was still only 8cm).  bless him bless him bless him. so for somewhere between 10-15 minutes i just pushed like a mad woman. there was no stopping me, and i can tell you this, it felt like an eternity. an extremely painful eternity. i just kept pushing and pushing and throwing little tantrums in between the contractions. i remember hearing a few things in between my crazy tyrannousaurus rex moans. i could hear the babies heartbeat on the monitor and 3 voices: ty's, my doctors and my nurse.  they kept telling my i was doing it! i was doing so well! but i didn't believe them one second. because i knew the entire maternity ward thought that someone was sacrificing a live animal in there. it really was the most primal sounds i have ever heard (and i was the one making them!).
the only time i got really upset, but luckily didn't say anything is when ty and the nurse said "look down annie!  you can see the head"   and i was so mad that they wanted me to 1. open my eyes and 2. move my head. both tasks seemed almost impossible.  i tried but couldn't do it.  i did yell once, and it was the most embarrassing/hilarious thing i have ever yelled. which is pretty good considering my verbal history. and then my dr. said something really funny in reply. if you want to know what it is you'll have to ask my in person. ty has not given me permission to put it in writing. i still can't believe i yelled it. hilarious in hindsight. completely embarrassing in the moment.

at 5:01 i pushed out what felt like the largest pair of shoulders in the world. they placed this baby on my chest and ty told me it was a boy. a boy! i didn't believe him, but i looked at his little face and fell in love. looking back at me was this little brown hairy face with a big man schnoz. it was beautiful.

the pain was completely gone, but i was exhausted. exhuasted. exhausted.

the recovery you ask? an absolute dream! like a giant ice cream sundae with hot fudge, whipped cream and nuts all over it. delicious. the recovery alone would sell me to do it natural again. that and the fact that Rodney was so alert from birth. i held him the first hour and 10 minutes of his life and it was perfect. perfect. perfect.

later i apologized 800 times to all the nurses and my doctor for breaking their ear drums. i know i shouldn't have felt embarrassed, but it is what it is. i was completely embarrassed for how i acted. they kept telling me i did great, and i quote "you did awesome! you didn't even swear!" swear? how could i have the time to think up awesome swear words? i definitely didn't do that. but obviously i'm not one of those yogis in the water bath chanting enya with lit candles in the background. i think they should have recorded my delivery for abstinence courses in school. it was that bad.

so there it is. i delivered a baby without pain meds and found out that i am, a complete and total crazy woman.

and ty never wants to experience it ever again.

and i'm just happy that i could go to the bathroom as soon as i wanted! and i did!

abigails birth story can be found here.
and phoebe's is here.


Lara said...

You go girl!

It's so funny, your description of your natural birth was almost exactly like mine when I had Rylee...SOOO painful, but such an awesome recovery! I am glad all went well!

jes said...

Oh man, Annie. You are hilarious. I remember thinking over and over while I was pushing out violet, holy (bad word) I am going to die. (in transition, however, I was chanting "I am a flock of ten thousand birds rising." so I can be a poetic yogi to a point.)

Terril Family said...

You are simply amazing!!!

I have said a hundred times over that I do want to experience natural child birth, but not until my last kid, because I'm pretty sure that once I do, I'll never have another baby again.


Bowler Family said...

Girl, you're CRAZY!!! Glad you didn't bite anyone or punch Ty in the face or anything!! Little Rodney is very cute!!

Emily said...

You are so wonderfully funny! I love when a post can truly make me laugh out loud.

Have a super day!

annie (the annilygreen one) said...

i'm dying to know what you said! does blog comment count as in person? :)

Rebecca said...

I have the utmost respect for you Annie! (and I envy your easy recovery -- I don't know what that would feel like.) Now I just have to find an opportunity to see you sometime so I can hear what hilarious comment you yelled out. :)

annie (the annilygreen one) said...

so, i'm laughing out loud at your comment on my blog! that's actually one of my worst fears about going natural this time....that i'll be aware of, well, all of that. :)

Whitney Baldwin said...

Oh my word. LOVED this. You are absolutely hilarious.

Kudos to you on a natural childbirth! I have often wondered if I could hack it. I think I have come to the conclusion that no, probably not. My hat is off to you.

And I am dying to know what you said.

Jamie said...

First of all, congratulations! How exciting to add another healthy babe to the family, and a boy at that!

Secondly, your story literally had me laughing out loud. Especially the part about primal sounds and animal sacrifices. Oh my gosh. Hilarious. Glad you survived. Dan is SOOO glad I always opt for the epidural.

my name is becky kelly said...

crap it's 10:30.... is that too late to call and get the whole story that can't be put into writing?!? i'm die-ing over here! i'll call you in the morning.
oh yeah, congrats growing a human.

angela michelle said...

You are a hoot! I agree--natural HURTS! I was totally misled by those candle-enya-bliss people. Isn't it crazy how it hurts so much and then suddenly it's over and you feel perfectly fine?

turleybenson said...

Hey there, just reading this (you commented on my blog recently). I love this story. You are right, it is HARD!! I didn't yell, but the primal sounds? Yeah NO ONE told me that might happen. I was sure the whole world could hear me.

I am sort of envying your 2-acre life right now, too...How could I get in on that?

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