if i told you i was exercising, would you believe me?

you can't tell from the outside, but i am moving my body again. i'm using it for more than just to feed, clothed, change, hold a baby/toddler/sick child.  it feels so good to wake up and feel sore muscles. muscles! i have muscles!

i started up teaching aerobics 2 weeks ago, and i love, love, love it! i think what i love the most is being with other women. i get out of the house! i get to be me! i get to dance!  how is that not a great thing?  i finally started my sister in law's pilates class also, and oh! it is wonderful. i've always loved pilates from the first time i had to do it at Ballet West in 1995. i loved the method, the breathing, the control, the pain. every morning i wake up now sore, sore, sore and i love it.

i taught joy school last week and guess what the first lesson was? the joy of the body. how fortuitous. i loved teaching for 4 hours that week how awesome our bodies are and how much they can do. i am so blessed to have a body. a body that can move, and hold still, and love, and nurture. i'm very grateful to be able to carry and birth babies with my body. and i always will be. but it is such a hard rebound for me.

if you are one of those pregnant women who gain, 25 lbs, lose 15 the first two weeks and just have 10 left to lose, than yay for you! (note sarcastic tone)

that is not me.

every pregnancy, the rational side of me jumps out the window and the insulin-resistant devil side takes over. i stop exercising. i eat entire pizzas at 2am. i make my husband get mcdonald's at 10pm after a full dinner at 5. i eat candy bars on the drive home from dr's appointments. it's gross to even think about how much junk i eat. and then, after the smoke clears and i have a beautiful beautiful beautiful 3 month old baby( not disregarding what a miracle it is to carry a child) on a schedule, i'm a lumpy, stillwearingmaternityclothes80%ofthetime  mess. and that's when i have to bring out the big guns. exercise! nutrition! sleep! no more mcdonald's! no more junk food in the house!

the kids have noticed, and are complaining like crazy. they are also sick, so they are sick and complaining. funners! there's no food! they cry.  i don't want eggs for breakfast! they bemoan. well tough luck there girls, i am on a mission.

i have 30 more lbs to lose. yup, thirty. that sounds like a lot no? it feels like a lot. and it's hard to know that i can't go all out, i have to take it easy and still eat a lot to keep nursing. but it will happen, slowly, surely, probably take 18 months, but it will happen. it's days like this where i want to pay someone when i'm pregnant to shake me and say, "annie! don't eat that entire pie! it's not worth it!"  but i probably wouldn't listen to them anyway. and then  just eat more because they made me mad. oh, i can't believe i am writing all of this down.

so here i am, starting all over again. regretful of the past, hopeful of the future.

right now my eating plan looks like this:

*banana walnut protein smoothie in the morning (i use sunwarrior protein , no soy! no whey!)
*salad wrap at lunch
*fruit and nuts for snack or a spinach smoothie
*regular dinner with kids and ty
*chocolate protein smoothie at night with ty. we call it the "frostie!" (serves 2)

2 cups milk (i use almond when nursing)

1 banana

1 spoonful adam's peanut butter

1 spoonful cocoa powder

2 scoops sunwarrior protein

a handful of ice

blend and enjoy! we love it with a straw, makes it more of a smoothie experience!