writer's block

This past week I've been wallowing in a landfill of tissues and Lysol. I was adamant of killing any virus that made its way towards us. And then...I got sick. Just a bad cold,mind you. Nothing serious, but it did come with body aches and tiredness. Like, I have a newborn tired. Not pretty. so instead of disenfecting every surface and following the kids around with tissues. i collapsed on the couch and every once a while would shout out, "make sure you wash your hands." can you even imagine phoebe washing her hands by herself? talk about a large water bill the next month.

And there are so many good, funny, interesting things happening around here, and I can't write. I blame you aunt Hattie...I really do. See, two weeks ago we went to Troy and kizzie's wedding (she was gorgeous, by the way, gorgeous) and aunt hattie walks me arm and arm toward a table to meet her friends.   and in the blur of "hello's" and "this is annie..." i hear "OH! i love your blog!"  and i wish i could see what my face looked like at that moment (but probably not, because i'm sure it was in shock).  this was a first for me. yes, I will admit, i have had people come up to me and tell me they love my blog. but, i KNOW these people. at some point or another our lives have crossed paths.

this time, a stranger talks to me about this blog. and my "writing" and even says the word "book." i was in a daze. is this for real? or has aunt hattie has been drugging up these ladies to talk to me like this? it was just crazy and i was more than blushing. and then, i meet another lady, and another lady who start gushing about my blog and kids and writing. by this point my head was spinning out of control. and, ok, it was a little fun and exciting, (ok! a lot exciting!)  and after they leave, i look at ty who is smiling at me and i'm still in shock. on the drive home i asked, "can you believe that?" "they love my writing?" "they love the blog?". ty doesn't respond, he usually doesn't, he just smiled.  but i went to bed with the highest of highs. who knew, this little thing that started out as a journal would turn into something like this?

now, i know i'm nothing as the likes of those power bloggers.  but it still went to my head, and i got all excited and had plans of taking more pictures and blogging more and then...nothing.

nada. i have nothing to write, or i'm writing differently. and if there is anything that reigns horror in a writer's mind is losing your "voice" in your writing. i've talked with lots of friends who have noticed that once a blogger gets popular their voice changes, and it's not very fun reading their contrived and sponsored writing compared to spontaneous and honest writing.

so here i am, writing about not knowing what to write. do i share too much? do i share too little? do i take too many pictures? am i too honest? am i not honest enough? should i go into hiding like the unibomber? oh wait, i've been doing that for a week now. anyways, just letting you know i'm here. i'm thinking. and that is never a very good situation.

hopefully the sickies will pass and i will feel more human soon. but the bonus of having a major sore throat and no voice? you don't eat as much! and you lose weight! BONUS! hahahahahaahaha. the only upside i could find.


Candi said...

I like how you writing about not knowing what to write about is interesting!! ha!

I don't worry about you losing your voice because I don't think you write to be popular but to be real and let all of the mothers out there know we are not alone. And that its possible to LOVE motherhood and still think its a LOT of work!! I have yet to see you comment on someones blog "I'll follow you if you follow me" haha (my friend is a fashion blogger and gets those all of the time).

And I have the opposite problem when I'm sick..I just eat and eat in search to find something that will make me feel better...I have yet to find it.

Annie Leavitt said...

thanks candi for all of your comments. i hope you read this because i don't have any contact info for you!

and i just ate a huge piece of buttery toast for you, it made me feel a little better : )

Cathy said...

I think you are real and honest and funny. I feel like I have so much crap in my head that I'd like to write but I just don't do it. I'm scared to be real and honest. Not like I have deep dark secrets and if I shared them I'd go to jail. I just think I need to get on with it and spew it out. You're going to be my inspiration. That's saying a lot because I'm not easily inspired. Hope you're feeling better.

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