6.13.2012

confession: life is hard

the first year we moved back to our hometown, things were more difficult then we had envisioned. somehow those DIY shows failed to mention that most people living in a fixer upper are either, 1. filthy rich 2. d.i.n.k couples (double income, no kids) or 3. crazy.

seeing as we don't fit into those first two categories, 3. fell on us like a ton of bricks. being pregnant for 3/4 of that year didn't help either.  i thought for sure after the baby came things would return back to our "normal".

things didn't return back into normal, they catapulted into pure bedlam.  at my 6 week postnatal appointment my doctor asked me on my way to the room, "how are you!?", and i had to fight back the sobs because there were nurses all around.  luckily, i'm comfortable enough with him that i told him how bad things were. they were scary bad.

we survived. barely.

so here we were a year later with all our body parts functioning and everyone is sleeping through the night. i'm wearing makeup again. i'm feeling happy again, but i realized that even though circumstances change for the better,  adult life is just hard. somehow though, our society thinks that "hard" means something is "wrong".  and we are dead scared that someone might find out that we have problems too. (now i'm not saying we should all be negative nelly's- what a drag). no, i think it's wonderful to accentuate the positive and put our best foot forward. i'm still working on how to do that. (i'm extremely negative all the time, just ask my sisters.)but don't be fake, please please please don't be fake. i can smell fake faster than funnel cakes.

i had a friend tell me, "i don't even read blogs anymore, it's just too depressing". and it shocked me, just because i know that if it looks too good to be true it probably is. but sometimes when i'm over tired or emotional a blog post of extreme perfectness will send me into a spiral too.  we are all these babies in adult bodies concerned that life isn't "good" because it isn't  "easy" anymore. and you'll come across blogs and people that desperately try and fake perfect. and that night you'll lie awake wondering where you went wrong and what you could change to make things better. i think that's when a lot of women turn to food and shopping. i know i used to. a cookie! a cinnamon roll! maybe new clothes! a new car! that perfect ruffled throw pillow! will make us happy. i always thank my brother in law guy for teaching me about the hedonic treadmill. but i'm still human, and when things get crazy i desperately start seeking an emergency exit. heck, just last week i was 99% percent sure that  a new couch* would make me happy and our lives so much easier (ha! what a lie!).

*i didn't buy the couch.

because i remembered this talk:
There seems to be a superstition among many thousands of our young who hold hands and smooch in the drive-ins that marriage is a cottage surrounded by perpetual hollyhocks, to which a perpetually young and handsome husband comes home to a perpetually young and ravishing wife. When the hollyhocks wither and boredom and bills appear, the divorce courts are jammed.
Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride. -Jenkin Lloyd Jones

let's be honest then: we all have hard days, and (if you have kids) sometimes sleepless nights. my kids fight, sometimes my kids and i fight (gasp! i know!), things are messy 90% of the time, daddy comes home tired, the money ends don't meet. marriage is hard work.  parenting is hard work.   i mean, c'mon, i have had a baby in diapers since I BECAME A MOM. yes, for almost 8 years i've been buying diapers and wiping butts. straight.

 my life isn't perfect, and it never will be. if it was, it would mean that i am dead.  recently family and friendship has taken on a whole new meaning for me.  i have had friends call at just the right time, or come over to visit, or drop off amazing goodness on my doorstep, leave a sweet post comment, facebook message, chat with me at the gym, email, or just wave at me as they drive by. or sisters and mom that stop by when you are napping and lysol your house for you and drop off groceries.

but with all of the hard work and trials and ups and downs, i still laugh every day. i still am grateful for all that i have been given every day. i still try to be a better person everyday. because i know that there is a God. because only a God would send me such wonderful family and friends to take care of me. because He knew that life would be hard, and He knew that we would need each other when he couldn't be there. and i'm trying to be a good friend to others like i have been given. because life is hard for everyone. we are all going through something right now, that you don't know about. i need you. and you need me... not new clothes. (ha! i just cannot resist the snarky sarcasm can i?)

one of my best friends, my mom on her birthday

7 comments:

Becky J. said...

This is truth to be sure. And my blog is not my outlet for life's frustrations so I hope nobody is ever given the impression by seeing it that my life is perfect, because if they know me at all then they know that it's not. I love reading blogs that keep it real like yours, I just do that in my journal instead. Thanks always for your honesty and candor, and for being a good friend who lifts others when they are low, because that's how we'll all make it through this craziness called parenting. Love you!

Bowler Family said...

Well said!! I don't find anything wrong with having a good day and being happy about it. Or having a BAD day and being unhappy about it. Basically, just keep it real!! No need to overcompensate with an image of perfection that we all no isn't REAL!!
My motto: Endure to the End!!!

Lindsy Hartsock said...

We are potty training and it has been a rough day, very rough, lots of tears rough. :) It was great to read your blog and put a little perspective back in life. Thanks Annie! I love reading your blog and feeling "normal", ha. I need to work on being more positive and patient, lots of doses of patient.

Candi said...

Good thing I read this!! Today I was pretty sure layers in my hair would make me happy!! I've already called a a local hair stylist 3x today!! (whats with haiir stylist not returning calls?) I didn't realize what I was doing until I read what you said about the couch...

I agree that a lot of blogs try to make life seem too great. I was annoyed at myself that I couldn't be real when I was blogging. Thankfully my six sisters and I have a sisters blog. I can be a lot more real on there!! I respect people that say it how it is. (you truely have helped me as a new mom!) You're the only blog I comment on and that I feel comfortable being real. (It helps that you don't know me ha! :)

On the other hand of makeing life seem too good.. I feel like sometimes people can't celebrate good things because others feel bad. One of my older sister built her dream home. She poured her whole heart and soul in it and stopped blogging about the process because she got too many "it must be nice comments." My twin Cate is very, very creative. Decorating is her outlet (her house is decorated awesome) but doesn't post about it because a few people felt bad that she has a nice house.

annie leavitt said...

i definitely can't think what other people will think about my posts, or it would stop me blogging all together. there are millions of people who could tell me that i have no idea what i'm talking about, and they would probably be right!

i try and be honest on here, but sometimes it's too hard to be honest or the truth is too scary to see. been there done that too : )

Rachelle said...

Annie! Love this. I wish I could be more open about the trials I've had in my life, but I can't, because they're someone else's problems that have affected my life. I'm grateful though that someone else has realized that even though life isn't going well, it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

*I turn to shopping. I'm convinced that if I own a house, I will be happy, even though, I know in my heart it's not true. Pleasant to imagine though.

Katie said...

Such a good post! I'm sitting here looking at stupid DIY posts for our new apartment and getting overwhelmed/depressed when I should be sleeping. At one point in my blog hopping, I realized I hadn't taken posed monthly photos of Morgan and beat myself up about it. So stupid! In other words, I needed this.

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