prone to wander,

image via pinterest

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, Lord. Take and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above."

Sitting in church today I marveled at how I can barely make it 7 days without it.

I don't know what I would do without the gospel and church and our ward. I teach my wriggling, giggling little 6 year olds every week the basics of what we believe in. That we should choose the right, that we can always repent, that families can be forever, and that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of us.

Even someone like me.

I'm very grateful for that.

And after having a little pity party for myself this morning, as we headed to the chapel I saw all my blessings riding in the car with me. And it made me smile, smile and smile.


a postive post

It's the weekend! Why do I love the weekend?

Because Ty is home. TY IS HOME. This is big, this makes me happy, this helps me with the kids.

And that's about it. Our weekends are full of work, work and more work. But I love them. The kitchen is extra messy on Saturdays because of all the work and projects. Today I sorted through all of the older girls' clothes to find out what we need, what we don't wear and what we have. It was pretty surprising what I found. The one child that is always dressed neat and nice, has very few outfits. The other child, who looks homeless 90% of the time, has several extremely cute outfits. Go figure.

You can't win them all.

But I'm feeling better with every month that Rodney gets older, and it's time to stop being scrubs. I researched some sales and got inexpensive back to school clothes of what we NEED, and they are clean and nice. I gave away everything that was old, worn and too used, or let's face it, they won't wear it. gah.

I want our family to be neat and comely.  For the last few years, (ahem, baby Rodney) we have been scraping the bottom of the barrel most days.

So here's to a new school year!

I was sad at first, when I realized Abby would be at school all day, but over the last few weeks I have come to peace with it. The two babies have been seriously neglected of "mom" time. I started to count up in my head all of the things I did and taught the older girls that I have not yet even thought about doing with the cabooses. And it's time, time for more mom time. Time for more learning for younger kids, the older girls and independence. I'm not ready for it somedays, but I know it's time.

And in case you aren't having a fantastic day, to make you feel better I found this after sorting through the girls' clothes:

Have you ever fished a banana out of a honey bottle?
It's fantastic!

ps- Our friends lost family members in an accident, their beautiful daughter's post about trials and preparation and God's love is  heartwarming. Read it here.


perfect people stink

via pinterest

Confession: I instagram stalk. It's the new form of stalking that has replaced blog stalking. 789 photos that aren't private? Don't mind if I do.

But here is the thing, the majority of them that I stalk, 99.9% are of these women that I just don't understand how they work, function, handle life. They all represent my "dream", large family, succesful husband, beautiful home, and I mean bee you tee full. Perfect fashion sense,  artists, famous friends and plenty of selfies to feed my obsession.  Their lives look perfect.

And I know, I know, I know, no one has a perfect life.

But you know, I'm young (ha) and I still like to dream that maybe someone is figuring it out.

Question: How DO THEY DO IT? They post pictures of their amazing desserts, and they are stick thin. They exercise with their husbands.  What? Their kids have cute and new clothes. They have nice cars. They have time to look fantastic all the time. I just don't get it. And yes, I know these are just .1 millisecond snippets of their lives and it can be made to look too perfect. But...

Here is the rub,

I like it.

 I like how perfect it looks and I feel like it motivates me (but it makes me depressed at the same time). And i realized it might be a replacement for hollywood media for me. Yes, I cut out that media from my diet a long time ago. No people.com, or celebrity fashion sites or even mainstream tv shows. The only snippets I get are the 2 minutes in line at the grocery store, and even the covers of them make me gag now. Watching and seeing those women made me feel incredibly incapable of success. I thought it was motivating, but it never helped an ounce. Once I stopped keeping up with the gossip and fashion and all that what-not I experienced a happiness I hadn't had for a long time. I love it. Very freeing. Like going to the beach and realizing you are, thankfully, doing a pretty ok job so far.

So maybe a new diet is in order. A perfect people diet, to not follow blogs or instagram accounts of people I don't know. Or heavens to Betsy the home tours on designmom.com. Oh! Those throw me into a spiral. Because not knowing them creates a level of idealism that I can't handle. I know my friends, I know their trials and I love them tremendously and completely. They inspire me, and lift me, and motivate me. And, most importantly, they know me. The real me, not the wwwdotme.

What about you? Have you gone on a media diet and it worked and stuck? Or do those things never bother you?


But it's a dry heat...

I can't complain really, the eat hasn't bothered me too too much this summer. But it does do things to me and I'm tired of it gosh darn it.

1. It makes me tired
2. It makes me irritable
3. It takes away my appetite, so I don't eat and then when I do it's crummy choices
4. It takes away my motivation for...everything. 
5. It makes me want to move to Saskatchewan. 

I had a long list if summer projects and have completed zero of them. I did learn how to make a bib from Grandma Leavitt and I'm excited to crank out more. But other than that? Nada. Even Abby said the other day to Ty, "we only do one thing a day in the summer and then nothing else!" It's sad, but true. The library, or swim, or grocery store, but only one of those a day my friends. 

We buy eggs from our friends but hit mid June their production goes too low for extras. Why? Because the heat sucks out all of the chicken's egg droppin' mojo. And I've never been grateful for that before, but I am now. 

It's ok that I'm tired and low on motivation. It's the heat! our production might be slower these days, but we are surviving. We may do only one thing a day together, but that's not too bad at all. We may be moving at a slower pace, but we still are moving!
The Long Beach Aquarium, we did that!


disposable paper dresses

My sister was lamenting to me about her yearly "appointment" with her dr. when I told her I had one soon. We laughed and laughed at all the phrases you hear at those things. "Ok, scoot all the way down." "more, more, more".  I don't know about you but I am more than hesitant to get ALL the way to the end because I know exactly what comes next. But then I just give up, turn my head and make my doc laugh constantly with my crazy talk.

You think I'm joking. Seriously, get me nervous and I'm the funniest (possibly) person alive. Now you can imagine my first dates in college. Never a dull moment on those puppies I tell you what. One guy said, "You know, if you wrote the way you talked you would be a best seller". And he looked pretty smart and subscribed to the Wall Street Journal, the quintessential "I am smart paper". Meaning: he is totally right.

This year's appointment was strange. Not pregnant, or trying, or just had a baby, or struggling with weight problems or severe depression (hallelujah). Well, I have put on some poundage friends in the last month with all our traveling and my heat indulgences. ie: when it's hotter than 110* i eat whatever I want.

My doctor is lucky I love him, because he informed me of some changes that have occurred from 4 pregnancies and deliveries. Not that I've never felt immortal, or afraid of aging, but it was strange watching him talk about my body that way. No sound, just his lips moving. I even said, "well, should i be worried?"  Nope, nothing to worry about as long as I keep exercising and staying at a healthy weight. Like I needed more motivation, but you know, whatever works. I'm not 21 anymore, I knew this day would come but sheesh. It still sucked.

Chalk it up to all the other not fun moments I've spent wearing a paper gown. I think it just is making more material for my stand up comedy act...

or this blog. Potato, potahto.

Oh to be young and carefree again.


the beach, we missed it.

It had been two years since we visited a beach with the kids. Last summer Rodney just wasn't very, how do you say it nicely, portable? 
This year, we went.
We saw.
We swam.
It was perfect.

Chelsea Greaves came and met us! It was fun to see her again and the girls loved it.
 This is Phoebe's third year in this swimsuit. Hmmm...
Danna wins the award for always getting the most awkward and unflattering pictures of me at the beach. No joke, a few years ago I came home with about 6 back of the upper thigh shots. No woman wants to see that in megapixels. It's all good Danna, I still love you. hehe.
 My girls are complete fish, and I love it. They get it from me, Ty...not so much.

Aunt Sarah was a blast! She boogie boarded with the girls for 2 straight hours. We love her.
 Rodney loved the sand and people watching. Once a wave washed over his feet he was done with the water. "I don't like dis!" he proclaimed.

Until next time Ocean. Until next time.


When the cat's away...

Ty is the scoutmaster in our ward, which means lots of camp outs and camps. I can't remember it ever bothering me that he's gone a lot doing those things, I'm happy he's willing to serve and he enjoys the outdoor time. 

I've realized when he's gone I turn into a traveler. So when Sarah and I found out Danna had three days off of work we packed up (she didn't even unpack from Michigan) and headed down. 

Despite the ac going out again in the car, everything has been wonderful. We've enjoyed cousin time with Dj, learning how to play the Wii, the beach and aquarium. We have more fun planned, but I can tell we are all getting tired. 

We're so grateful danna and guy are hosting us and giving the kids a great experience. It's been a nice break from the constant 110+ heat at home. But yesterday was 70* at the beach!! We all froze. Ironic I know. 


Little kid problems

Phoebe this morning, "mom, can I have a popsiple?"

"No, honey it's 8 in the morning"

"UGH. Why is it always 8 in the morning?"

I've decided that must be what being three feels like. 8am on a Monday morning. 

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