5.28.2014

memorial day and thoughts

this is the third year we have trekked to the cemeteries with all kids for memorial day. and for par, there was wailing and gnashing of teeth and a few graves accidentally walked over (seriously overton cemetery, a few markers?). in case anyone is looking for an eagle project, hint hint.

anyways, we went as soon as the heat lowered from sweltering to just a simmer. we told the kids about their relatives and our family friends that we saw. we walked and i teared up at all of the babies buried, oh, so many babies. one of my greatest fears is losing a child. as we drove home i told ty, i don't think i could handle that. but then i thought, what about losing a child spiritually? that should be my greatest fear, it's something i try not to think about. my greatest goal for my life is to raise all my children with strong testimonies of Jesus Christ and the gospel.

the fear of losing an adult child through poor choices and addictions drives me to do some silly things. i get frantic about protecting them against pornography, FRANTIC. i try to limit their exposure to media, songs, and conversations that are blatantly promoting breaking the commandments. i also get uptight and yell and scream because i want them to be happy, successful children. the irony is not lost on me.

enough with the tangent: taking them to the cemeteries is important to both of us, and even  though they complain about it, i know as adults they will be grateful.
as luck would have it, we found out that every memorial day there is a veteran flag ceremony at 7pm in overton.  mark your calendars, it's definitely something to take your kids to see once. ty and i both were happy the kids could watch it, even though there were a lot of "mom, this is like, so loooong" comments. God bless those veterans, every one.

5.27.2014

wuv, twu wuv


a wedding! we love weddings! the kids have been waiting ever so not patiently for the day to finally arrive. we all dressed up in our nicest duds, and drove to the temple for Taylor and Megan's wedding. it was beautiful! they were sealed for their time on earth and for all eternity together by a beloved family friend and neighbor. it was a perfect day all around and we all had a wonderful time.

enough sappy stuff, here are some pictures to remember the momentous occasion by.
light saber app fights saved the R man's no nap attitude
4 generations (minus Camille)
important Jedi discussions during pictures 
they love "uncle" megan!
it was funny because they entire day ty and i kept laughing that we love watching other people's weddings, and are so glad it's not ours. don't get me wrong, we loved our day. it was pretty fantastic if i say so myself, but oh! we are much happier today than then. and we were extremely happy and in love then, but it's just...better. not perfect, but peaceful and content. i can say that i love ty more today than 11 years ago, so i think we are doing something right. and, my hair was so nice that day we had to take many pictures to document it.
 her dress=gorgeous!

corinne caught all these candid photos, and i love them.
cousin fun
look at those eyes!
love this one
5 best blessings in my life

we were laughing in this photo because debbie (the photographer) told ty and i to kiss. in case you didn't know, we are both very shy with public kissing, i would have loved to see our faces when she asked us that. haha
the receptions was so fun for the kids, we were so pooped on sunday!

5.22.2014

good reads

my reading habits are sporadic with novels. i'm either in a frenzy, reading one after the other or i have a dry spell. i'm always on a lookout for a good book, and i usually find one that i'm in the "mood" for. some weekends it's fluff that i need, other times i'm ready for a good historical non-fiction, or a historical romance. yes, i really enjoy historical novels.

anyways, the days have been pleasantly warm, but not too hot and i've let the kids take late naps and skipped cleaning to revel the loveliness of just "being" outside without the need of a pool or water in some form or another.

we just read this book for our book club. i'm not a huge young adult novel fan, and i also had food poisoning while reading it, so i will just say this. i enjoyed it, and i didn't enjoy it all at the same time.  it was witty, and funny, agnostic and tragic all at once. i'm glad i read it, the writing was very interesting, the end.

but this, this was a gift of a novel. there are few books where i say, it impacted my life and this one did. it was, as i told joshlyn, who graciously gives me wonderful books to borrow, " hauntingly beautiful". i recommend it as a read to any woman/mother. i really just love when a woman is written well, hallelujah!

anne morrow lindbergh led a fascinating life, and this historical fiction captured it well. being a woman is a wonderful contradiction to me, it's full of beauty and sacrifice, and i love learning about other mother's stories.
via amazon
in case you were wondering, you will always find a baseball biography or autobiography in our bathroom. hint, it's not mine.

5.19.2014

priorities

what does your list look like?

now that i'm home and looking around my house, i realize how neglected it has been.

slowly, i have been cutting out a lot of commitments i have made outside of the home and focusing more on home. my list of things that need to get done and i would like to get done around here this year is written down.

how do you tackle home projects? slow and steady? or all out warfare? i'm kind of an all or nothing person, but luckily the only way is slow and steady with a house full of kids.

in other news, after we came home from California i came down with an awful case of food poisoning. and when i say awful, i mean it and will spare you the gory details.

thank goodness for my parents and grandma leavitt, they saved the day for me on friday when i was ready to curl up in a ball and die. luckily, there is amazing modern medicine and i'm starting to feel like i have both feet on the ground.

we have a wedding this weekend! so exciting! and memorial day!! and summer just around the corner, i can't tell you how excited that makes me.

this year has been full of ups and downs for me personally, and us as a family. its' frustrating, to feel like i'm making some personal progress and then wham! another hurdle put in our way. i'm going to take this quote to heart this week:
via pinterest

5.13.2014

Mission farewell

we ran down to sunny southern california for cousin DJ's mission farewell
it's strange watching your nieces and nephews grow up, marry, have kids, missions. things it feels like i was just experiencing yesterday. i'm so grateful for my faith and the strength it gives the youth. DJ is very ready for his mission, and we will miss him SO DEARLY. 
we love DJ. he is so, so so good with our kids
they played and played and played and...played
we didn't get a picture with spencer and tyler, but we spent all day Sunday with them and it was perfect. i'm glad my kids got to know them better and keep asking about them and what they are doing today. that makes my heart happy.
look at the framed photograph in our hotel room. i know right? so cool.
sunday we packed up the hotel room and got in church clothes. since it was mother's day ty let me sleep in and braved the continental breakfast alone with all four monkeys. he sure loves me.
these army men were the best $4 this momma ever spent
our kids freak out when we stay at hotels. i mean, freak out. they love the stairs, the elevators, heavens, they love the smoke detectors! i swear we have to set up an "elevator button" pushing check off chart so everyone gets their fair share. 
but they gave me the best Mother's Day gift ever by all sleeping the ENTIRE trip home.

i love my family, and am grateful we were able to go and support the Skoy family.

5.10.2014

choosing motherhood

As long back as I can remember, I wanted a large family and I wanted to be a mom. Just like my mother before me, and her mother and so on for forever.

 The days are long, but the years fly by, and I'm so glad I made this choice.

 


5.09.2014

facebook fizzle

i joined Facebook in 2008? or 2007? i can't even remember. i never went on much the first year. and then slowly over time, more friends added, and then family members, and it was wonderful to keep in touch! such a lifesaver!

my mom always tells me of the times in the seventies when calling your family/friends was so expensive, you could hardly do it. it was extremely difficult to be isolated all the time from your peers and family.

i think i have the opposite problem. thanks to social media i am dripping with online contact with my peers and family members. I KNOW TOO MUCH. and the more i would know, the more i would feel sorry for myself.

but here's the problem, i couldn't get off of it.

i deleted the app from my phone, but still couldn't get off on the computer.

i was sure i would miss something if i didn't check Facebook multiple times a day.

and so, in a moment of desperation and a need for intervention i threw up my hands and said, "That's it!" and i did something that sounds crazy,

i made my husband change my password. and not tell me what it was.

now i log onto Facebook (or should i say, Ty does) once a week or so and check to see if there are messages or notifications from friends/family.

confession: the first few days were HARD. can you say "withdrawals?" say it with me: "With dra wals"

and now? It's wonderful! i love it! every time i log on i announce to Ty, "I didn't miss anything!!" haha. and i'm happier at home, with my own things to do and news to hear. guess what? if it's important, someone will call me or text me. or even EMAIL ME. i know right? people still email. who knew?

anyways, if you've had a problem with Facebook, which i'm sure you haven't. i'm sure i'm the only stay at home mom spending too much time on the computer. but just in case you were looking for a solution, try what i did.

i'm not guaranteeing it will last. but it sure has been nice these past few weeks. i've loved hearing things firsthand from people, instead of reading about it online. face to face really is the way it was all meant to be. and yes, i still blog and read other's blogs. but i'm not going cold turkey, social media is absolutely wonderful in its own ways. but be warned, it's also addicting as crack (not like i would know, i've just heard that rumor)

*lately i've been praying to have a better work ethic at home. it's so, so, so easy for me to just read a book instead of CLEAN MY HOUSE. gah, i'm in a constant cycle.  i often think of my Grandma's work ethic, and our other grandmas. enjoy this vintage gem of a photo:
Grandma Gold, my mom, and nakey aunt linda
  Panama, 1942 

*looking for a good spiritual talk? this one was a definite keeper

seen and heard

Lucy:
"Mom, remember a long time ago when I told you that when I was a mom I would buy myself all the barbies and polly pockets I wanted to play with?"  "Well, I don't think I'm going to do that anymore"

phew! i was a little worried.

abby brought home the sweetest/creepiest piece of artwork Ty and I had ever laid eyes on:




Phoebe:
my sister told me this story, up in Utah they were by a fountain before going out to eat with us. phoebe threw in a penny and made a wish. Aunt Sarah asked her what she wished for.  She whispered so carefully "I wished that I could ride a unicorn!"  Please stay little forever Phoebe!


Just this morning while working out she said, "Mom , you look like a boy when you do that"


Rodney:

He's been spending a lot of time in time out lately for yelling, one time I put him down in the chair he scrunched up his face, balled his fists and spat out "YOU SILLLLY GOOOSE!" in his meanest voice possible. 

"Hey mom! Wook at my boots!"

Last week I went grocery shopping late at night and glanced into the car parked next to me, and yup there was a bale of hay in the back seat. why not?

Last night the sky was quiet and serene and I felt grateful for my little town

ty's working in an interesting part of Vegas lately. over the past month he has witnessed a gang fight, an arrest afterwards, a homeless man that collects and rearranges rocks at the park every day and a speed walker flip out on a work truck for being in the way of the trail.  never a dull moment!

5.06.2014

on honesty and motherhood


they published my post on What To Expect yesterday.

you can read it here

huzzah! that's a huge website! and i was happy an humbled they asked me. their editor was very easy to work with. but then after i saw it, and read it, i was still embarrassed to share it on here. it's things i never wrote, mainly because i didn't want my children reading it and being worried or afraid. i know right? silly. but i was very honest, and wrote a lot of personal things that went on inside my head during my post partum depression.

they say if you think you're crazy you probably aren't. i have to agree with that, because i really believed all of the thoughts in my head during my PPD, and didn't question them at all. they were very real and made complete sense. and now i'm pretty sure my mother-in-law is going to worry about her grandkids every day now. don't worry camille! i'm ok! we're ok! everyone's ok!

in all honesty, i'm lucky my depression goes away after i wean my babies. i'm lucky i had an attentive doctor and a prescription that worked wonderfully.

but in even more honesty, even today if i'm not eating healthy and working out, depression is my trusty companion 24/7.

i love my babies, i love being a mother. i would never, ever, in a million years change when and how many babies i had. they are all a gift that i treasure dearly. but that doesn't mean it has been easy.

i'd love to hear your experience with PPD (post partum depression). it's  a topic that is not discussed nearly enough. i hope that by sharing my personal experiences with it, other moms can either find help, or feel comfortable enough sharing their thoughts and feelings.

abby leigh, just several hours old
2007

5.05.2014

it's may day time

for over a hundred years our community braids the Maypole on May day. it's a neat tradition that i'm happy to support for many years to come.

may day also means HEAT. the cold air blew away with the last of April winds and i'm pretty sure the heat is here to stay. all of my beautiful rose blooms withered away over night with the heat.

we only have 4 full weeks of school left, and my mouth is watering over the thought of summer time. no schedules, or homework or commitments.
dreaming of swimming

rodney will turn 3 next month (gasp). i've never had a 3 year old birthday and not had a newborn. so it's  a little strange, but not scary. just new territory and i'm ok with it. i think.

and last but not least, i was asked to write a post for whattoexpect.com (don't tell them i gave my copy to DI) about my experiences with postpartum depression and motherhood. it was not an easy task, and i finally wrote down a lot of things that have never met this keyboard. who knows how it will go and if they post it, if they do i will let this blog know. if they don't, i might be brave enough to post it on here.

here's to the month of May!

*i read this book last week. anyone else? i'd love to discuss it with someone
*one of my favorite quotes this week:
via pinterest

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