on self acceptance and forgiveness (leg edition)

confession: i do not like my legs. correction: i did not like my legs.

the earliest i remember noticing they were different was in middle school. oh middle school, what a disastrous event you were in my life. the beautiful, tall girls (with busts of course) were getting all the attention. the girls that played volleyball with their super short booty shorts and the cheerleaders with their non existent skirts. i could never wear something like that. luckily, puberty hadn't hit yet so even though my legs were short, so was my torso, thus i sauntered around evenly proportioned.

after puberty, which happened at an age that is hilariously late, i had a long torso, a chest (finally!) and short legs. short, stumpy legs. ugh. but, i was in soccer again and track and so even though i wasn't kind to them or liked them, they were always there and got me to a lot of great places. you always feel like you fit in in soccer with big thighs.

then i majored in Ballet in college. yikes. if i had a nickel for every time someone guessed 8 times what my dance emphasis was only to tell them "ballet" and see their face change, well, i probably wouldn't be trying to make money by writing on a blog. laugh out loud.

after college, a wonderful friend named CHARLOTTE DUNNE! (how are you? we never talk anymore!) taught me how to run for fun, and thus my next 8 years of marriage running would be my main cardio. even in running and teaching zumba for 4 years, my legs still fell short of my delusional idea of perfection. At this point i blame BARBIE and the media.

the point of all this mumbo jumbo is this, this morning i slapped together a sandwich for ty's work lunch, stumbled back into my room and got dressed to work out. i sat down on the rowing machine to warm up (i know, so incredibly spoiled to get to use one) and looked down at my legs. what?

                                  

those are not my legs! they are strong! and beautiful! i suddenly was aware that i do not despise my legs anymore. and it's not because they look semi ok in this picture (my cottage cheese is on the underside don't worry)  it's because they are amazing! they have always been there and carried me throughout every crazy thing i wanted to do. cliff jumping, running half marathons, snowboarding, hiking, relay races, dancing for hours and hours and hours, carrying 4 babies around, running after toddlers, and for the last year and a half, squatting lots of weight on my back.

even though i can't wear jeans in the fall with boots over top (there is just no way i could walk without circulation, i've tried) and even though i will always look like an orange on a toothpick in high heels at church, and even though i have beautiful big dimpled thighs, i LOVE MY LEGS. I LOVE MY BODY. I am so incredibly grateful they forgive me for always wishing them to be different. i am so grateful I have this body for forever. what an amazing gift i have been given. it's such a freeing feeling, to actually want what you already have. i suggest trying it sometime.

i love this shirt from here, its so liberating to find out how strong you can be. my birthday is coming up for anyone who is behind on gifts: hint hint