5.11.2015

how i stopped making mother's day miserable for myself

Every year I fantasize about how my Mother's Day will go.  I get to sleep in (my guilty weekend pleasure), wake up to a fantastic breakfast and on my table will be a secret gift I've been wanting but would never buy myself and don't tell anyone except the virtual shopping cart on ze internets.

Then I want to fit into a fabulous dress, have my kids look amazeballs for church, have our leaders give the mothers something instead of a stale cookie, and spend the rest of the day in my pajamas watching musicals and eating comfort foods. Did i mention I also want my house to stay sparkling clean all day long also, without any effort from yours truly? don't forget the nap and food rub too!

SHOCKER: most mother's day I end up a weeping hot mess on my couch with unfolded clean laundry on it because i didn't get what i wanted, my kids fought all day and I expected SOMEONE to do all of my jobs for a day and for unicorns to poop skittle rainbows over my bed.

it doesn't happen (obviously) and then I end up a cranky mess because what have i tragically done wrong in my life to marry a husband that doesn't put the dishes in the dishwasher right or let me stay home for one day? and when i get cranky motherhood feels like this:



my goal this year is to have an "un-miserable" mother's day.

let me count the ways I create an unhappy holiday for myself:

1. Have EXPECTATIONS.


2. Compare myself to others (e.g. Social media) 


That's it. 2 things.

and so, drumroll please, enter in
MOTHER'S DAY 2015.
bahdumdumdumpsh. JAZZ HANDS!

1. NO EXPECTATIONS


I woke up and asked Ty to please, for the love of all that is holy, let me sleep in a little bit while he fed the kids cereal.

DONE.

Then, he let me sleep in so much we were late for church. Now, being late to church is almost my #1.pet peeve of all time. But I took a big breath when I realized how late we were and only raised my voice once to a whining monkey child. SUCCESS and triple JAZZ HANDS!

Did I mention Ty is doing the 24day challenge? And he is doing awesome but I'm also preparing all of his healthy food? And I have to do this on Mother's day? Yup, I did. And so I didn't fix my kids one thing to eat all day. I think they ate, cereal, toast, fruit and cheese the entire day.

ten minute JAZZ HANDS with a shuffle ball change thrown in!

remember how I said I don't want to go anywhere on mother's day? guess what? we went to visit all of ty's family for 4.5 hours. JAZZ HANDS!  luckily, i thoroughly enjoy visiting with his family but still, putting a non-napping 3 year old to bed 2 hours past his bedtime and looking at all of the dishes that weren't washed or food put away was discouraging. I did not get upset!

jazz hands! is that getting annoying yet?

ty swept some food that had fallen without me asking. FIST BUMP. and he washed some pots and pans. BEYONCE FIST PUMPING SINGLE LADY WALK!

the girl went down easily, but then I heard them arguing. I opened the door, and instead of charging in like a rhinoceros with rabies, I politely asked, "Do you guys love me?"...

oh man, why do i do that to myself? setting up for failure in 3...2...1...

their quizzical looks gave it away. the 10 year old said, "Um.. I don't know?" and looked around. The 8 year old said, "You are kind of scary all the time", to which the 3 year old agreed with "yeah, scary".

JAZZZZ HANNNNDSSSS!!!!!

where is my motherhood award? i want it NOW.

so, they were pretty quiet after that because i think they heard my heart crumble into a thousand pieces and drop into my stomach.

After I shut the door and died a small death ty said, "there was a soggy diaper in Rodney's crib? how old is that?" and i just pretended like i didn't hear him because Rodney took it off this morning and ty didn't even notice. Hello? Where did the diaper go when you helped him put on underwear? Those things don't disappear ( i wish!)

2. NO SOCIAL MEDIA

Guess what? I had NO CLUE what you got for mother's day. Or what your husband did, or how amazing your mother/grandmother is or all the tacky, sparkly, paper flower gifts your children gave you. They are ugly (not your kids, the gifts). The tacky, sparkly, paper flower gifts my children give me will basically be in the louvre some day, so it's best I don't post photos of them. It wouldn't be fair really.

without social media i spared myself from a lot of comparison/shame spiraling that usually ensues. I can do that any other day right?

FINALE

instead of throwing a huge tantrum and yelling at the kids because my day was less than spectacular, i brushed it off and peed my pants reading this dog shaming post.

after that ty and i watched some Vegas Rat Roads episodes and he rubbed my upset tummy as we fell asleep. I ate a cookie at grandmas (ok 2, but oh the pain!).

as we talked he asked, "did you have a good day?" and boy, did i want to complain. but instead (remember, no expectations?) i said, "yes i did, thank you for letting me sleep in. that was nice." he said, "You're welcome. I tried really hard."

Bless his heart.

next year I will repeat these two steps and add one more, i want to try and enjoy being a mother more on Mother's Day.  That is hard for me to do sometimes on Mother's Day. Because I actually do love these little fart knockers.









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