motherhood

on the walk to the park yesterday a college co-ed passed by us running. this happens about 200 times a day so i didn't think anything of it. but this girl, turned and approached me. she was really sweet and said she is giving a talk on motherhood on sunday and was wondering if she could ask a few questions. standard single ward procedure.

i laughed at this point because
1) luckily everyone was in a good mood this morning. abby was holding my hand gently (not tugging and screaming and throwing a tantrum), lucy had her sophie bear and was looking for bugs and not interrupting, and i wasn't threatening to turn around and go home if they didn't hurry up. i'm pretty slow these days.
2) i don't think i'm ever in a position to give anyone advice on motherhood. i mean, c'mon, my kids are 4 and 2, i still have plenty of time to fail miserably.

Question #1: "what do you think is the most important thing that has helped you be a good mom?" hahaha. how on earth do you answer that question? could i ever pinpoint one thing, practice, principle, method that has helped me? no, but i did give her the best answer i could think of.

patience.

right now for me patience could best describe how i try to handle my kids and be a 'good' mother. whatever that means. patience with my children. patience with myself. patience with my spouse. patience with my Heavenly Father.

Question #2: "what is your best advice for younger girls to prepare them for motherhood?"

ok, i laughed at this one too. everyone is so different, at least all of my friends and acquaintances are. you can never gage whether someone is prepared or not for motherhood. it's kind of sink or swim, but not in a bad way. i promise : )

but i did remember some sage advice that i received from a dear friend when I was a young mother. this is the gist of it:

basically, she said, before you become a mother (and yes, even after) you should spend your time developing "you". spending time finding out who you are & investing time and education in that. your kids are blessed by this, because you won't live through them, but are happy to guide them and stand beside them and watch them grow. and then let them go.

some girls think that motherhood is going to complete them. that that is "who they are". but in reality, it is only a small part of who you are. you are you, your own self. you have your own personality, and talents, and likes and dislikes and callings in life. you have your own purpose to achieve on this earth. for some, one of those callings is motherhood. we get these precious babies, and are blessed with the opportunity to raise them. and then, guess what? they leave. yes, they are still your children, and you their mother, but someday, somewhere, you are going to be all by yourself again. if your sole purpose is to have children to 'complete you', that is a hard place to come from. it puts a lot of pressure on your children, and their children and a lot of pressure on you.


i really thought what she said was true (and i generalized it with my own thoughts). sometimes it's not all giggle and flowers. some days you all have the stomach flu, and there is only one toilet. haha. some days your children tell you they hate you and would rather live with anyone but you. but you know what, i still love being a mother. it truly is a blessing in my life. but i am not just a mother, i am me. and all that is encompasses a lot, and i can't wait to share any of my talents and interests and opinions with my children if they ever ask. and i am always trying to do the right thing when it comes to raising them. and sadly, so far, it has always meant the harder path, with more work for me and tyson in the beginning. but a lot more payoff in the end. phew. i learned that one from my dear, dear mom.

anyways, besides the jumbo rant and raving on this post. happy mother's day. especially to the two most important mothers in my life. my mother and my mother-in-law. and to all of you who are mothers. who have mothers. who want to someday be a mother. tomorrow you all deserve flowers, breakfast in bed, a foot massage and a slice of costco chocolate cake.