now what

this is how happy i felt having my mom here for an entire week now she's gone and i don't quite yet know what to do with myself. if any of you recall, i'm not a big cryer. in fact with my post partum depression with abigail i probably cried 3 times between her birth and conception with phoebe. three times in almost three years. but i cried today. i watched my mom drive away bawling. bawling like someone broke my favorite toy. lucy and abby looked and me and asked why are you crying? so i told them the truth, my mommy is going home. and i couldn't help but think of when i would be the grandma leaving their house after helping them with their babies. and i bawled some more. and you know what? abby teared up and lucy cried a little too. it was amazing to me to see the connection that is there. mother and daughter. daughter and mother. and i'm happy knowing that for the rest of their entire lives, i will always be the most important woman in their lives. always. if i had sons, that would have to end when they married. if it didn't it would be weird. i am grateful for my girls.

i have never had my mother come stay with me after birth. with lucy and abby she lived down the street so it didn't seem necessary. boy, was it necessary. i can't believe how easy it was to figure out little phoebe elise with her there around the clock. we identified her poop signals, burp signals, hungry cries and stinky cries. we figured out when abby needed more hugs and kisses and attention. when lucy needed more praises of affection and time outs. alternately of course. we swapped birth stories and coping stories and children stories. we made crafts for lucy's shape days at pre-school. we played rummikub even though i was really cranky and didn't win. oh wait, i did win once. she washed my laundry and cooked us dinners and mopped my floors and scrubbed out phoebe's yellow poop stains. we succesfully relieved my clogged duct to prevent another bout of mastitis like i had with abby. she held and watched the baby every day to give me 2-3 hour naps. 2-3 HOURS people.

and i can't get it out of my mind that i miss my mommy.
and i don't know if i can handle this on my own.
but as my sister danna says, i'm going to put on my big girl panties and try.


Danna Banana said...

hang in there little tomato. I'm glad it was a good visit.

my name is becky kelly said...

:) that's how i feel when my mom leaves. ... :(

Anonymous said...

It really is a great time to have your moms complete attention. We all feel the same way. We miss our moms when they go and we feel completely uncappable of doing things on our own but we all just fake it til we make it. Love ya,

Tam said...

So well put Annie. She is such a pretty baby.

Lauren said...

Cutest picture ever!!
That smile is adorable.

suepeterson710 said...

Oh my gosh, that is definitely a LEAVITT smile. No worries about baby switching here. The grin looks just like Lucy and Abby.
Congrats by the way, you done good.

Trent & Tara said...

Sounds like me the day my mom was heading home after Evelyn and she stayed a week. I just couldn't stop. I felt like I was 5. Mommy's are so important in our lives. Thank goodness for them...and that we get to be them as well.

Melanie said...

Hike them up missy! :) You'll do great. You have before and you will again. :)

Becky J. said...

Wow, that was so sweet, and so how I felt after my mom left from staying with me after both my babies, too. Love those mommas! Lifesavers! How do people do it without one? And yes, I've also thought about how I can't wait to be there for my girls' new babies and get them through the hard times. Thanks for sharing.

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