i was all by myself, and no one was looking

i knew the hike today would be the easiest-at least for a few weeks. but within the first switchback my thighs were burning, i was majorly sucking air and stopping every few minutes. walk walk walk, BURNING, stop, catch my breath, walk walk walk, BURNING, stop, catch my breath.

this is when the inner demons came out. "you can't do this", "just turn around now, you can do it all the way tomorrow", "what were you thinking?" i also knew i had to be home by a certain time for ty's class. "well, it's probably been too long and i should turn back."  so i reach in my pocket, gasping for air, crutching onto my side and look at my cell phone.

it had only been 10 minutes. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! it felt like i had been hiking for an eternity. well, no excuses. i had plenty of time to go slow, and take lots of breaks.

can i tell you how much it sucked? every once in awhile the path would level out and i could feel my legs again. phew! i can do this! and then any slight incline would get me cursing this stupid goal that i made.  i also planned to only go to the bottom of the Y instead of the top until i got more in shape. so i'm walking, walking, walking, (i'm all by myself this entire way, no motivation to finish when no one is around) with no music, no distractions, just my thoughts. i know, scary. one foot in front of the other.

"oh, screw it. i'm going to turn around. this sucks", but i took just a few more steps, and lo and behold there it was, THE Y! and not just the Y, THE TOP OF THE Y! with my throbbing head and pounding muscles i had missed the trail for the bottom and went to the top. "i did it!" i gasped out loud.

and just when i think there is no way i can do this every day, i look at my phone again.

the stinking pile of monkey poop hike only took me 30 minutes to get to the top.

no excuses for me. back again tomorrow. WAHOO.