sometimes i get mad at stuff

last july i was sitting on my fat butt. hormonal, pregnant, medicated, depressed, desperate.  it was a long summer that i don't think about.  this is the first sign that it must have been horrible-complete mental blockage. my memories start up from the moment my water broke on september 24, 2009. so i guess i remember 3 months of the end of that year.

i don' t think about what i did to have a full term baby very often. i'd like to pretend i was like any normal woman whose worst problems were morning sickness, chubby hands and feet, vericose veins, back aches and difficulty sleeping.  wouldn't that be a dreamland? but in all reality, phoebe sucked. don't worry though, she is making up for it in spades as a  really badical baby outside of my uterus. i dare anyone to meet her and not melt like butter with a corn on the cob rolling on it. she is perfect in every way, with beautiful crystal blue eyes to boot.

but now, after phoebe, when i see pregnant women doing crazy physical things i get mad. like running marathons (really? what are you trying to prove?), traveling SUPER late in their pregancies, or dancing like this at 38 weeks. oh who am i kidding? i get mad just when they can clean their homes and wear cute clothes and travel at all during ANY time of their pregnancy. i realize all of this hatred stems from jealousy and pride, just like always. but it doesn't stop me from hurting a little inside when i see a pregnant mom carrying around her kids everywhere. or swimming with them. walking with them. playing with them in the grass.  dude, i totally suck for being mad at stuff like that.

but yesterday, after a suspicious facebook status update i called my cousin steph. we have a lot in common, us two. ballerinas. english majors. married awesome husbands. roommates. soccer. track. books. love of travel and all things good. same grandparents and unfortunately, now, {bedrest}.

how i loathe and despise that word.

when we talked about all the stuff going on, and knew that {bedrest} was coming my mind flooded with emotions. i felt for her 100%. i wish i were close to her, to drop off fluffy books and chocolate treats and play legos with her darling boys. cook her indian food and rub her feet and tell her it's all going to be worth it. but i can't.

so i'm asking a favor. if you could drop by her blog and leave her a comment? tell her she is awesome. tell her it is worth it. tell her you believe in her. i know it sounds crazy, but do it even if you never leave comments. even if you don't even know her. it will make such a difference.

and in case you were wondering, here is a list of ideas of what to do for a woman on bedrest:

 -stopping by to say hello. it makes the visit much sweeter if a treat or old copies of Real Simple magazine are involved.
-calling to listen and chat. be prepared for long chats as she has a lot more time on her hands than you do.
 -emails. especially ones that are funny, hilarious, or both (preferably).
 -homemade meals for her family that are healthy. especially little treats for the kiddos. one of our friends made a super easy princess cake for the girls and they went GA GA over it. totally made the month. yes, month.
-sending text messages.
-sending text photo messages of you making silly faces and a hello.
-stopping by to see if they need library books dropped off at the library, groceries picked up, back to school supplies purchased, and even if they say no. do it anyway.
- tell her she looks so good and cute today. for real-lie through your teeth. one compliment could help me through an entire week. i AM that vain.
-send toys for her kids from the dollar store with special notes just for them.
-picking up the kids for play dates.
-clothes for the baby
-special notes of love and encouragement.
-and most importantly, prayers. for her, for her baby, for her husband and family that are supporting her. unfortunately, {bedrest} is hardest on the husband and kids.

so dear steph, 

here's to you. i think you're awesome, and the whole world does too. (cheesy enough?)

love, annie
 curtis families in 1982, right before grandpa passed.
l-r:aunt lynne, scott, danna, roger, granny, mom,
joseph, grandpa, me, billy, russ, stephanie, chris, sarah, doug
am i the only one totally digging joe and scott's socks?


Askeroth Family said...

Annie, I can't relate to the bed rest thing, but it sounds awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I have similar feelings about my pregnancies - being in the hospital hooked up to an IV, literally not being able to eat, go anywhere, do anything. It was so depressing and I felt so alone. Having babies is such a sacrifice, it's a good thing they are so worth it. :)

Anonymous said...

I feel for any woman who has ever had to be on bed rest. I have been blessed enough to only have to go through this with one child and it was for 2 1/2 weeks which is nothing in comparison to what some women have to go through. I have to say though it was long enough to make my have complete sympathy for bed rest mamas.

Rebecca said...

I also dig Scott's socks. I think that sense of style has carried over with him into adulthood. :)

Bedrest is a mixed blessing, for sure! You feel so helpless but you know that you're doing what's best for your baby. I wish I was there for Steph, too. Sometimes it stinks to live so far away!

Stephanie and Paul said...

annie, i cry every time i read this and haven't even been able to see enough to comment. i'm still crying :S

thank you. i think that may be the kindest most helpful thing anyone has ever done for me. i don't know how else to say how much your post meant to me.

also. i love this picture. i'm totally impressed that you were in a car seat--thought they kind of just put us on the seat next to our siblings. my hair appears to be the same style as our moms. granny is the most normal looking one. and what is grandpa doing with a revolver handle on his cane???

Anonymous said...

I've never been on bedrest and I'm sure it is really really crappy but don't kid yourself, morning sickness is no dreamland. I'm talking 3-4 months of laying on the couch watching your kids grab the cereal boxes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Pregnancy can be super hard and I'm right there with you on the jealousy issue. I get a little (or maybe a lot) jealous whenever I see someone "glowing" in their pregnancies.
I too love the socks!

Annie Leavitt said...

oh chandra! i know it- but i don't count yours as morning sickness. more like the plague. awful.

i always think of you those first few months and then i suck it up because i know it's nothing compared to what you go through.

Deborah said...

I love this picture!!!! everytime you post one from "the olden days" I want to come and rifle trough your collection--I;ve never seen one of my Dad and Mom so close to when Dad died!.. and Steph--that is Grampa's "pistol grip cane" --he made it himself--a cantankerous old coot to the very last.

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