actually, i am happy

my cousing steph posted this article on facebook about Mormon house-wife blogs. a very interesting read, but funny timing to me.

the timing is funny because while sitting in church yesterday, and looked over at ty holding phoebe on his lap, the girls trying very hard to sit still and be quiet- and a warm feeling washed over me: i love my life and i am happy. truly, sincerely, happy. perfect? no. happy, yes. the girls hair was not done fancy, besides the fact they haven't washed it in days. they were not wearing matching dresses, and every single one was a hand me down. phoebe's has a small rip on her back seam that i haven't fixed and is getting larger. abby's cardigan and flower and dress didn't match each other at all. lucy's dress is beautiful, but not one i would ever buy for my kids (i.e. i'm not really into glitter and flounces). phoebe had just wiped some gunk of a mess on ty's pants that wasn't evaporating and i had lost my temper with the girls multiple times on the way into and out of the car.

see, i am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a.ka. "mormon",  a house-wife and I blog.  and...i like my life. i don't easily feel the effects of social pressure in my religion or community for the choices i've made in my life (aside from adolescence, who doesn't feel it then?). i married tyson because i loved him. we started a family because we wanted to. we've had more than one child because we love having kids. i've definitely been dealt the lucky card as far as that goes. we find great joy in the raising of our family. really, we do. i'm not making this stuff up.

i've never felt an extreme pressure to fit in, and act a certain way to feel like a belong (again...aside from adolescence). but i've also had an easy time just being me, and not caring what other people think about it.  i'm loud and opinionated and bossy. i over analyze every single thing i say or do in social settings (it drives ty nuts).  i'm judgemental (shocker) annnnnnd a procrastinator.  i love to give advice whether you've asked for it or not (but i love getting advice, so it's probably why i do it). i'm not an intellectual in any sort of the term, but i like to learn new things. i'm always amazed at what a small little bubble i live in, and i strive for ways to teach my kids about all different world cultures and views (unsuccessfully, but i'm trying).  i've questioned almost every point of my religion at times and studied it out on my own to find if i really believe it to be true.

is it all easy? no. do we have hard time? absolutely. do i blog to make my life look perfect? um...if you have to ask that you must not know me in person. but do i talk about our trials a lot on here? no. why? because some things are just tacky to talk about in person, let alone on the world wide web.  obviously, we don't have trials that are very apparent. my husband is employed, we own a home, our children are healthy and considered "normal" (might i add i hate the word normal? there really is no normal you know) because they don't have special needs. neither of our parents are divorced, or siblings. we have large and loving extended families (that have just as many problems as any other family). we both have close friends from our childhoods that we are still best friends with.

but difficulties we do have. and obstacles we do face. usually when we are experiencing a lot of really good times, something horrible is happening at the same time. my life has always had the need to balance itself out.  i mean, i STILL haven't mailed my christmas cards. it's getting pretty ridiculous. hahaha. all kidding aside- we do have legitimate problems. don't worry. but i'm not one to stew over them. i have my close friends, sisters, and mom that i spill my guts out to on a daily basis. things i'm not comfortable spewing out onto the internet. and in the long run, time heals all wounds, quarrels are resolved, bills get paid, kids are resilient and families forgive you.

but right now, in my life, i've never felt like i'm doing exactly what i should be doing at exactly the right time more. this pregnancy has lifted my spirits more than any other. i love my husband even though he'll never change into the person i want him to be (he still currently has no interest in organic gardening or world travel), and he loves me even though i keep changing all the time from the person i used to be (i no longer have any interest in NOFX or cliff diving).  i love my children even though they all have different personalities that i'm learning how to react to and teach. i'm learning to forgive myself for all the parenting mistakes i've made (and will make). and i've been lucky to have great friends everywhere i've lived, and love getting to know all the new ones here.

so in a nutshell, i'm a wife, a mother, a mormon, i blog, i have problems and i'm happy.

*i'm sure i could have worked on this post longer so it makes sense. but i just wanted to get it off my mind. but let's face it, i am always the one who scoffed at "drafts" and just pushed post instead.