the other day i had to move 4 carseats around (four!) in 116* heat in the car. tyson's grandma offered to help, and i said "no, i've got it." and while i heaved hoed another one in and fussed with the latches i thought, "someday i will never have any car seats to move around or put kids into!!!!!!" hooray!
and as awesome as that thought is (because car seats are probably one of the biggest contraceptive reinforcers), i know that i will feel sad knowing that my babies are grown.
while holding and rocking a fussy baby in church today i thought about my other children. this weekend to california was such a blessing in so many ways for me. it was refreshing to get out of the house and laundry and dishes and "to-do's" and just spend time with my kids. i took showers and baths with them after swimming and they loved it (in my swimsuit of course). i sat in the back seat of the car with them playing games and oohing and ahhhing over the scenery. we played on the beach together and swam together. we walked together. we talked together. and i fell in love with my kids all over again.
my kids crawl all over me day and night. they LOVE for me to play with them, listen to them, hug them. we could read books all day long snuggled up on the couch. or lie together and watch movies and eat popcorn. they want so much of me. and that's the dilemma as a young mom, you wake up knowing these little beings need 100% of you all day long. and it's completely draining.
how would you feel if your co-workers could not acocmplish 90% of their taks without your help and/or approval? add in the fact that each one has to tap or touch you 800 times a day and one of them just learned knock knock jokes and you can see how it gets a little annoying. what? children annoying? (this is starting to sound like a confessional). but near the end of the day you find yourself avoiding them by going to the "bathroom" when you're actually just reading the latest Real Simple. your skin crawls when they latch onto you yelling "mom!mom!mom! look at this bug!" just after you wiped up puke and poop in the last 5 minutes. yes, somedays you just can't even stand them all needing needing needing you (i think this is more true when you have a cute newborn to hold) little kids are just so needy. but the trade off is, they love you heart and soul. they WANT you. you. you. you.
and someday soon they won't want me. they won't say funny words and perform 30 minute dance shows for me. they won't sing while they go potty (hopefully) and ask me to pretty please braid their hair like their cousin's. they won't want me to play dollies with them or help them make their beds. they won't like the music i listen to in the car or want to go on walks to count how many bunnies we can see. they won't want to go to the "resemoir" with us or hold my hand in public. my life as a parent will be challenging in a different way. i will want to be involved in everything in their lives, every day. and it will drive them bonkers.
maybe it's because school starts tomorrow and i had to pack lucy's lunch.
or maybe it's because my baby boy won't stop growing.
or maybe it's because phoebe is learning new words by the minute.
or maybe it's because abby is itching to start school someday.
but i love my little, little children that need me so very much.
and even though i'm not even close to being the perfect mom,
i know that these days are fleeting
and i'm going to try and cherish them even more.
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4 comments:
Annie, It's GREAT you were able to take a trip to your sis's in California. It sounds like you had a fun time. The pictures were fun to see! I can relate to this post. I am suprised how I think it will be easier each year when I send them off to school and yet in a way it seems harder because it makes me realize how grown up they are getting. You are a wonderful Mommy! ºÜº
I love reading your blog. You are a good writer, and I can always relate. My "baby" is nine, and recently has decided it is "not cool" to hug mom. WHAT??!! Now i bribe him: "Mom can I go play at the Henrie's?" Me: "First you have to give me a hug." sigh...
So many truths here. I can relate to every single point. It's a healthy reminder to realize how legitimately hard this job is and how much we do accomplish in a day even when it feels like we got nothing done. You are such a good writer..
I was eating while reading your marvelous blog post. I had just put a giant spoonful of food in my mouth when I read the "and one of them just learned knock knock jokes" line. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing and spitting everywhere, because I have experienced that same thing with my nieces and nephews.
I'm glad that you were able to have such a great weekend with your kids. They do love you so much and you are a wonderful mother. Even when they are older and they act like they don’t want you involved in every little thing, they secretly still do, because you will always be their very best friend.
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