nonsense

the kids are asleep. ty and i are relaxing, i have a few minutes to write. but really, i think i might just go to bed. so many thoughts rolling around inside my head- i feel like just numbing them out with slumber.

my posts have succombed to bullets on what has been going on. so maybe i'll take a few minute to actually write.

this week has been a good one for our little family. nothing spectacular, nothing drastic. we all came down with a cold which kept us from being able to visit my friend Willow and her girls till Saturday. we spent almost 3 hours at the park visiting and it was wonderful. but it also just felt like ripping off a bandaid off a wound that hasn't healed. the girls miss her girls so very much. i miss her calm spirit so very much. every friend has a spot in my life and her spot is empty when she's gone all the way up in utah. i wish i could walk into her living room again, plop down on the carpet and talk to her about everything and nothing all at once.

the house is coming along a little at a time. the more corners and drawers i get organized the more motivated i am to just finish! this house already. paint baseboards, finish the laundry room, master bath and phoebe's closet. then we can just work on putting in a yard. oh how i long for a back yard where i can watch my kids run and play from the kitchen window in grass instead on top of piles of old 2x4's.

i've been thinking a lot about keeping commandments and blessings. it seems as though everytime i read the scriptures that is what keeps mingling in my head. keep the commandments and you will be blessed. and then i get thinking, well what commandments are hard for me to keep?  the first one i thought on was keeping the sabbath holy.  so that is my goal this month, to try and dedicate the day to the Lord as much as possible (while still feeding, tending and cleaning up the kids). i feel selfish wanting more blessings then i already have, but goodness it would be nice.

i'm still working on 2 loads of laundry a day (except on sundays) and oh crap it sounds so simple and is so hard. baby steps though. i love my children. i love my husband. i love my home. i love my friends. i love our families. i feel so grateful for all that i have right now and don't feel like i deserve one single bit of it.