i miss eating

don't get me wrong, it's not like i'm starving or anything. i have plenty of food options for the day and i eat. but i miss just eating. i feel like i'm going through withdrawals. i want to eat what i want, when i want. i don't want to have to write it down, and be accountable for it. i don't want to meet with people and tell them if i've lost or gained and it hasn't even be a week.  the funny part is, i didn't used to have freedom with food, i was a slave to it. i was its subject and it my master. it would say "come here! i'm your friend! let's spend the night together!"  and i would! oh, i fell for all of food's foxy little tricks. and i paid and paid and paid for it. and i'm fed up! i'm quitting our co-dependent relationship for good this time.

 my brain is telling me when i slip up (because i have a few times already) that "it's all ruined, might as well give up and give in." and "you never are going to do this permanently."

there is no inbetween is what my brain tells me. because i'm either going to be a perfectly healthy eater or a regular at the Golden Corral. it's all or nothing. (this is where my mind always travles during healhty endeavors)

but there is a healthy medium and it's called moderation, and i'm going to find it if it kills me.

it is NOT all or nothing gosh darn it. it's not.


Bowler Family said...

Girl, it's like I wrote this post myself. I understand. Amen. I'm so sorry!! AND I think we should start a "I hate people who are naturally skinny" club. Because it sucks to work so hard!! Hang in there!!

Cate said...

haha I remember thinking when I started WW that it wasn't any food that I missed (because you can eat anything).... but it was just eating a LOT of food that I missed!!

I really missed the reckless part of eating...the whatever, whenever and however much I wanted and not having to answer to anyone!! (except the scale:)

I think Moderation is one of my least favorite commandments :) But having said that, it sure is a good feeling to eat a piece of cake and not feel like I "ruined it" and that I might as well polish off the rest of the cake. Thats been the biggest beak through for me.

Cate said...

haha This is Candi! I didn't realize i was still logged onto my twin sister Cate's blog!

Rachelle said...

And then I bring you cupcakes!!

Feed it to Rodney.

Annie Leavitt said...

rachelle, youw ill be amzed to know i didn't eat a single one! but i did revel watching the girls devour every square inch of them. they were in heaven and that was good enough for me.

Whitney Baldwin said...

I also suffer from the all or nothing curse. In everything, but especially my health. If I'm not perfect, then I'm a failure. It's hard, isn't it?

I try to shoot for doing "good" 80% of the time and that seems to help a ton. Then I don't get the guilt when the inevitable happens, like a skipped workout or enjoying a treat. And it's easier to maintain long term. Of course this is coming from a pregnant girl who is eating like she's going to give birth to a fully grown linebacker.

I'm cheering you on. You are awesome and your healthy example is so great for your kids. And for all your friends :)

Lindsy Hartsock said...

SO very relatable. Good luck! You can do it! :)

Trent & Tara said...

I have been struggling with food lately. I basically eat because I am bored or because I think I have to...WHATEVER IT IS SO LAME. I have recently started charting everything I eat online as well, it sucks and makes you want to eat less. I used to have a lot more willpower than I do now, it is so so hard after a baby and being in that "I'm not me yet stage....hang in there". I am sure you'll start seeing results. I know when I do resist a sweet I feel amazing, man it is hard though.

Tammy said...

this post is RIGHT ON. you totally have the idea! i have been on WW for 7 years and at lifetime for 5 and i still have slip ups - sometimes even really bad ones, like, oh, the whole last week (my grandma died and i got sick with a nasty cold and couldn't yeah, it was a bad week). the key is what you do AFTER you mess up. do you give up? or do you pick yourself up and keep going? it is NOT all or nothing. sooooo true. and yes, i was a slave to food and it is NO fun. it's much better to be on the other side :) much happier :)

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