hide yo wife! hide yo kids!

last month i had a monday that was just like any other normal monday morning. what? what was that? you want to know what mondays are like here? well, sit a spell and i'll tell you.

everyone is cranky. the kids, the mom, the house, the yard, the cars. you name it.

bathtime turned ugly when someone tried to wash phoebe's hair by shoving her face into the water and drown her. don't ask. and the older girls and i were going to go to a concert together. and then phoebe wouldn't go to bed (i don't blame her, she had a big cut on her head and her face was all poofy and red from drowining and crying). rodney was not cooperating as he learned how to sit up in the crib. drats.

lots and lots of crying.

i finally just put phoebe in the car, with her pajamas on and took her with us. heaven help me, my standards are so low right now.

 i started going a little faster and can honestly say, as the crying really  had delayed us,  i didn't think i was going that fast.  you know where this is going. i got pulled over. that policeman spun around so fast my neck hurt from watching him in the rearview mirror. and then another cop car turned his lights on and followed suit. oh goody! i thought. i can go to jail for the night and get some peace and quiet.  thank you joshlyn.

long story short, i didn't get a ticket. but during all of the ceremony of pretending to give me a ticket and lecturing me on my life history of traffice violations {in my defense, i haven't had a ticket in 11 years!} the other cop was walking around our car and looking in at the kids in the carseat with a flashlight. which of course, while sitting there they are all complaining "we are late mom!" "what's going on mom?" and phoebe pulled out of her carseat and unsnapped repeating over and over again "we r layte! we r layte!" . oh, i really hope i am going to jail! i thought.

and this is when the police officer started to lecture me some more, but this time on not carrying my driver's license on me. (he obviously isn't a mom, because i have like 10,000 bags and the wallet gets left in the wrong one a lot, consequently i save a lot of money using this method).  "let me paint you a little scenario" he jarbled off. "oh, this is going to be good" i thought.

"let's say someone takes one of your kids."...he started to say and i interuppted, "out of my CAR?" i asked.  "yes...out of your car. off the sidewalk. while you are walking somewhere. anywhere. we wouldn't know who you were or how to help you." he continued talking trying to rid the world of this horrible injustice.

but inside i was just laughing. seriously, that is why a carry a driver's license? i thought it was a form of identification and a freaking license to drive.  i thought in case someone tries to grab my kid, wait, no one would try to grab one of my kids. and if they did, i can guarantee that child would be back on my doorstep in 3 days. i couldn't believe what he was saying. especially after NOT having a driver's license he looked into my entire life in 5 minutes on his little car laptop computer. what a joke. anyways, he finished painting me the "scenario" and oh my, my life is changed forever. because i think in the last month i grabbed my wallet once in case i was pulled over again. but guess what? i was pulled over 2 weeks later without my wallet again! can you believe it? the horror.

but it wasn't for speeding, i had peeled out of a dirt driveway taking my babysitter home in our 1970 ford pickup and the cop thought i was a joyriding teen. hilarious! he was very kind and tried not to laugh in my face when he saw it was  tired mom trying to drive her husband's truck home after a hot night of movie and popcorn at our small town theatre.

i'm grateful for the kind and normal policeman just doing his job. the other policeman? i feel badly that he likes pulling tired mother's over and lecturing them on the horrible crime they have committed by not carrying a driver's license. he was a sad little man, and probably has problems at home.*

*this was always our mother's answer when we would complain about someone being unkind to us in school. love you mom! {and guess what? it is usually true and i find myself repeating it at the dinner table}


Bowler Family said...

This is so funny because Brent just pulled a lady over last night who had run a red light. When he got to the window she was in her pajamas and so were all 5 her kids. The baby was screaming his head off. The 4 year old informed him they had gone out to get medicine for her baby brother's gas, but she didn't think it worked!! He asked her if they were all hers and he said the look on her face was a mixture of despair and anger as she asked him very nicely if he could take her to jail and please take her kids somewhere. Anywhere!! He sent her home with some words of encouragement but no ticket. He said she had enough problems for the night!!

Jed Wheeler Family said...

funny-i think only yesterday i was plotting again how i could get a pass to the slammer. no crying sick kids. sweeeet
its the red tahoe-they like red

btw-yay for the cookie recipe I've been meaning to get your version for awhile

Laurie Smith said...

Sophomore year, I was heading back from Sundance and was pulled over on Main Street in Heber. All my kin is from Heber - I know better than to speed. Cop gets out, pulls up his pants and jaunts over. 'Sorry officer was I speeding?" He says, 'Ma'am you don't know what you did wrong?' Nope. No clue. Very dramatically, ver slowly, he says, 'You Failed. To Signal. When Changing Lanes." I had to try to keep a straight face.

Somehow after telling him just how many of my kin is buried in that Heber City cemetery, he painstakingly let me go with a warning. I was almost as proud as when i used to get sent home from the testing center for my cleavage. almost.

Candi said...

Ha! I just got pulled over for exprired stickers and the officer asked for my registration. I realized I had it in my "important auto documnets file" instead of my glove department. He then asked for my license. I got out of my car to go to the back seat and I had a huge diaper bag, my breast pump.. and no purse. The officer said "well, atleast you got the most important thing..your diaper bag." He didn't give me a ticket, just 3 warnings!!

I Love your writing. My sister told me that she read your post about going to church 3x last Sunday!! You do a great job of putting feelings that most people have into words. I can identify with your post about food. I've thougt about how its not easy for anyone alot the last couple of days.

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