just you wait

our wedding day was perfect in almost every way. although i don't remember a lot of details, i remember the general feeling of happiness and relief that the day had come. we were married! finally! we had a blissful honeymoon  (where we only argued a few times on parking spots and hotel rooms-something we still fight over) for a week and then headed up to full time school.

i would never want to relive my wedding day over again. why not? because that would mean i was  a newlywed again. and then i would have to be a new mom again.  people are going to think that because i'm saying this that i didn't enjoy those times. i truly did, but oh my goodness,  it's difficult starting something new. ever heard of a learning curve? yeah, those two learning curves look like mt. kilimanjaro.

so this summer we have friends and family getting married by the droves.

 i can already see a lot of young couples that have hurdles to jump over from the start.  different families. different budgets. different methods of worshipping. different personalities. and i think, "geez, marriage is hard even when all the stars are aligned and your families get along. how are they going to make it?"

and then i realize i'm turning into the grumpy old men at our reception. what? you didn't have grumpy old men at your wedding that came to congratulate you and instead of congratulating you with happy words of encouragement they said, "just you wait until the honeymoon is over! then you'll see what marriage is really like."  and after we were married couples would say, "just wait till your married 5,7,10,20 years, then you'll know what marriage is". and i swear to you, almost every single one said exactly that same thing.  i guess as the saying goes, misery loves company.  it must be hard for them to walk up to a couple, shake their hands and say "congratulations! you are going to be so happy!" when they are just thinking about those first years of marriage and the fight they just had over the monthly grocery bill.

so for weeks and months after our wedding i waited for the shoe to drop. like, "ok, when are things going to hit the fan?"  and guess what? they didn't. yes there were arguments and fights about how to do the dishes right and not to lock the door when showering so i can do my makeup, etc. but we didn't have a huge let down after the wedding. or at 5, 7 or 9 years.  we are happy, but our marriage is a lot of work. you can't have it all, but you can be happy about what you do have.

the other day danielle and i were laughing about how we are so glad it is not us getting married. and fretting over how to take our little kids to receptions and temple grounds and pack enough snacks.   and then she told me something i don't remember, when they were engaged i guess they were snuggling on our couch or something and i said, "you guys are all over each other now, but in about 4 years you won't even touch toes in bed when you sleep."  i can't believe i said that! i was one of those grumpy old men! and although it's probably true, (we don't spoon while we sleep because ty sweats like a pig when he sleeps, no thank you maam!), i'm wondering if  i say other things along those same lines.

and i don't want to be a grumpy old man at the receptions. so i will just walk through the line, hug, congratulate, smile a huge fatty smile, but in my mind i'll be thinking, "someday it will drive you crazy that the towel can't make it back onto the hook after a shower" or "he's not going to be romantic until it's the absolute worst timing of the entire day".   but i'll also be thinking about all the awesome parts of marriage. those beautiful quiet moments where you know you married just the right person for you. and the time where you do something stupid and you both just laugh and laugh because it's something you've done one hundred times before. the heaven filled days where you welcomed children into the world together. and the small intimate moments that chain your hearts together.  i hope every marriage has those beautiful times, because i know we all need something to get us through the "real life" times of marriage.

like when your husband throws baseballs in the house and scuffs up the ceiling for the one millionth time.