what i learned from Barney yesterday

Lucy and me, 2007? 2008? I can't even remember!

Yesterday I thought I was feeling so much better...and then I was back to feeling blech. In the middle of all of that we watched a Barney christmas special. Yes I let my kids watch TV when we're sick and yes I let them watch Barney.

So, i'm lying on the couch watching it with them, and the "parents" come on screen. And of course this was filmed in the mid 90's so the mom is wearing the best pair of mom khackis these eyes have seen. And the thoughts that followed are still bugging me, "see, now that's just not fair. look at what moms could wear back then!" No skinny jeans, no tight shirts, no plastic chest, lips or face. Just... a mom. I was lamenting to another mom last week that being pregnant these days has so much more pressure than even when I had Lucy. She didn't believe me and I said, "that's because you weren't pregnant back then." Lucy, in 2004 was still close enough to the 90's that gaining 50lbs, wearing large blouses and full paneled gap maternity jeans was en vogue.  Even just 2 years later when i was pregnant again with Abigail, pregnancy had hit Hollywood full throttle and we had 7 for all mankind pregnancy jeans and pea in the pod $85 shirts that were what every mom should wear. i won't even tell you how many times I looked at clothes on NOM. ridiculous.

post script: not pregnant, i promise.

Anyways, long story short,  moms have it tougher and tougher every year. not only from the world and media, that we must always be attractive and sexy, we must be fit and trim, we must make all homemade organic healthy snacks, homeschool, homebirth, achieve post graduate degrees, lecture, blog, write books, and head up the local soccer carpool, be active in church and profess our feministic ideals.  Because, didn't you know, if you don't tell people you are a feminist that it means you think all women should be married to a drunken wife beater and receive no social equality whatsoever? I've heard it's true.

But then, after and before all that, we have to deal with crap from each other. Women are awful to EACH OTHER, especially moms! Just get a group of moms together and ask them what pediatrician they recommend. Be advised, you will have to listen to a lot of arguments from everyone of how "theirs" is the best.  I follow nienie on instagram and am appalled at the stuff mothers attack her about. I am positive any one of you could walk into my home and point out all of my faults and shortcomings as a mother. I think that goes for everyone.

Why do we attack each other so much? Why does it matter? can't we all just get along? (famous words from my own dear mom).  We are all moms, we are all trying to raise our children. Whether we stay at home, work part/full time, have sitters, nannies/never have sitters, never leave our children/always leave our children, go on vacations with our spouse/never go on vacations with our spouse, homeschool, traditional school, hospital planned c-section/homebirth, anitbiotics/no medicine ever, prescriptions/essential oils, nursing/formula, minivan/suv, cloth diapers/disposable, tv/no tv, movies/no movies, ipads, iphones, DS/ no handheld entertainment, movies in the car/ old fashioned coloring books, potty training, cry it out/ cosleep, wean/nurse till 5, too much discipline/too little discipline, parenting books/ free spirit parenting, Santa/no Santa, the list goes on and on and on!

Guess what?

None of it even matters. It doesn't matter one little bit what other moms are doing with their children. Why? Because all that matters is what you choose. Ty and I are accountable for our home, our kids and what we teach them. That's it. Nothing else. Isn't that a huge relief? What an enormous blessing from above. I know we all think we are should be in charge of everyone else, but the truth is we can't even handle our own thoughts for 24hrs. How could we even begin to take care of more than our own sphere of life?

And so, I'm asking this Christmas season that us moms all support one another. It doesn't matter our faith, beliefs, political ideas, parenting methods, life choices or dress size. We are all mothers, and we all desperately need each other. And maybe, just maybe, from the small amount of mothers who read this can reach out to more moms, and so on and so on and so on. We are women, we are all equal and we support each other, no matter what.