Do I even have a voice any more in my writing?
I haven't written a lot because lately I've been dissapointed a lot, and mad a lot, and frustrated a lot, and sad a lot and everything that I don't want people to read about a lot.
For example, my depression that always rears up around Jan/Feb didn't come in Janurary! Huzzah! And then it face palmed me in February. Boo. I went to a nutritionist to get some advice on what I was eating that might be affecting it? Other than my sugar that i've been cheating on off and on (I know, I know, don't lecture me). Besides the sugar? She suggested GLUTEN. You have got to be kidding me! I exclaimed. It sent me into a spiral, not only dairy, and sugar but now gluten are forbidden . Did you know? Gluten is in absolutely everything. It made me so upset that that night I had chinese food with ty and ate everything on the menu with sugar AND gluten in it.
Take that nutritionist lady. Pshaw.
Anyways, I bought some holy batman expensive almond flour (thanks keshia) and it's ok. We've had pancakes and I'm hoping to make banana bread when my stomach bug settles down (I know, again!). Costco sold some vegan gluten free cookie dough and it's not too bad. But I forgot that me+cookie dough=ravenous eating spree. The two of us cannot be trusted together. It's not you cookie dough, it's me. Or maybe it's you? I just don't know anymore.
I teach the 6 year old primary class now, and they are the cutest little bunch of kids. Great families, great class, but I'm exhausted. It's hard at the end of the week to muster up 2 hours of happiness and glee and teaching out of a well that's empty. Which means I need to up my personal upkeep with spiritual matters. I've been slacking, but we have an amazing sunday school teacher and relief society, and those 2 hours would give me the boost I needed to get through the week. So no more lazy pants for me, I'm following Mel and reading the November 2012 ensign before General Conference next month.
In other news,
And last but not least, I hate that I got my iphone. It takes away so much of my time from my kids and Ty. I've settled down a lot with it, but I hate that i've become so lazy with it. I don't look up directions or addresses or numbers anymore. I don't write things down and I hardly EVER take pictures with a real camera either. Bah. I need a good phone that can text easily and make phone calls. Why did I switch?
And to top it all of with a nice cherry on top, I found a new lump in my chest and had to get it checked out. If that wasn't stressful I don't know what is. Luckily, just another new lump to add to the others. I guess they wanted another friend.
Phew. I'm done.
I wore my robe almost every morning last week sending the kids on the bus.
I can't wait to hear about that in 20 years.
5 comments:
Ah, honey, I'm sorry! I wish my birthday were in Feb. so I'd actually have something to look forward to at the beginning of the year because I always start feeling blah around this time of year too. But at least I'm not jumping thru silly hoops for Zumba! That stinks, cuz you'd be an awesome teacher just doing your own thang.
And I didn't know you were finding lumps! Scary! I'd be wearing my bathrobe daily too (I actually did go outside in mine one night and chatted with neighbors. I had clothes on under it, I was just cold in my house! I know they still think I'm mental.) I feel the same way about smart phones as you! Hang in there!!!
You definitely have voice, Annie, and you are an awesome Zumba teacher.
I understand not wanting to blog when things are rough. A couple of years into blogging, I felt comfortable with my writing and my readers; I was in a good place. And then within a six month time period: my seventeen-year-old nephew and my aunt died; my dad had heart surgery; his favorite horse, a stallion, shredded his leg, and I had to give him shots and help him recover because Dad couldn't and the horse didn't trust anyone else. The horse died. I tried to write blog posts, but I just couldn't publish them. The bulk of my posts for over a year were book recommendations. Lately, they're mostly writing updates. I'm not sure why anyone is still reading.
Your posts are heartfelt and personal, and they resonate with me. Being honest, putting yourself out there, takes courage. Thank you.
You forgot evil...I'm that too. muwhahahaha You have voice, I picture us having a conversation when I read your blog. You should never doubt the voice. Maybe the robe, not the voice. Nah don't even doubt the robe it looks posh.
As for zumba, i love zumba, and so does everyone else and for those of us who come every week we really appreciate the hard work you put into it. I could never do it in a million years. I am in awe and I would follow you to zumba hell and back because no one compares to you. Not even those crazy A pink ladies.
I love your voice. It makes me feel like we could be friends and I'm not as much of a lonely, crazy weirdo as I feel.
Hang in there Annie! You're doing all the right things. Just keep doin em!
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