Last night as I harped at the kids to get their shoes on and (please) clean up , Ty handed me some old photos from his mom. I almost stopped in my tracks. "Oh, wow." I blurted. These are old photos, photos I have never seen before. Photos I don't remember taking. Do you have those too? Photos you don't remember taking or being there? That doesn't happen to me often, so I was more than surprised to see these.

I was a baby. My oldest was a baby. Ty was young, young young. We were happy, and young, and delirious, and... living in lala land.

Sometimes, and very rarely, I see new moms and I covet. The crisp, fresh baby clothes. The non-stained burp cloths and blankets. The energy they have! The dreams! The motivation! The hair bows and clips and planned "outfits". The clean strollers and organized diaper clothes. Who am I kidding? I was never like that, but I still covet that lifestyle sometimes.
Ty, baby Lucy, Me 2005
But 99.9% I am thoroughly grateful that I am not a new mom anymore. As young and energetic as I was, I would never want to go back. Would I do it all over again? Of course, I loved it, but you won't catch me saying that about high school. Shudder.

I do covet that simple life though, I think our internet was so slow we only went on at night or on the weekends. Photos were still developed, no texting, it was a more quiet time. But inside I wasn't quiet, I feel like I am much more relaxed and easy going than then. I know, you're thinking that would be impossible because I'm still extremely high strung, but believe me. Those were the days when I would cry and pout when I wasn't getting my way. ha! What a joke.

I've loved being a mother. It has fulfilled my life with joy and peace and happiness I had never known before. Don't get me wrong, the setbacks, challenges and trials have been difficult, but each one of them I wouldn't give back for what I learned from them is priceless. We've also been extremely lucky, I always feel like the other shoe is going to drop as far as trials and persecutions go.

I don't have a lot of regrets (other than yelling) about being a mom, but it's a process. That poor oldest child. She has been more than patient with my mistakes and mishaps.

When I see these pictures, I don't even know what to say. It honestly feels like an entire lifetime ago.

Baby Lucy and Me, 2005
And, I am happy to add, I dress a whole heck of a lot better now. Phew. I still remember when that mom bought those gap jeans at our yard sale. I was happy to see those memories go.

1 comment:

Ashleigh said...

Oh, Annie, this just what I needed today. Tell me, did you ever overcome being a yeller? I think I started yelling when my 2nd was born. Effective Parenting to a toddler, right? I hate myself when I lose my patience and yell. It makes me want to thrown in the towel on motherhood and go back to work full time bc there I can be nice to perfect strangers, when I can't be nice to my own kid. I'm thinking I'm way too high strung for this motherhood gig. I'm ready to stop after 2 kids. The thought of having 3 kids makes me want to puke. :) for some reason I feel like you can sympathize. Any sage advice? You can FB message me, too. :)

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