learning to serve

i have had so many ups and downs ( a lot of downs) over the last few months. i have had many spiritual experiences that I keep in my personal journal and do not want to forget. I still am constantly surprised at how much the Lord works through other people's words and actions, (pretty much always).

after bed rest with phoebe, I was on a spiritual high and happy to reach out to others after everything we had been helped with and given.  i was constantly looking for ways to serve all the time. but somewhere, in the meantime, i cared more about serving others and neglected the most important people first; myself, my spouse, my children, my home.  

so then i stopped. I stopped helping others during my journey of trying to take better care of all of those things first. the more i stopped serving the worse and worse my situation felt. it seemed like trials were coming out of the woodwork. or for people who live out here, irrigation day and all those bugs that had somehow been hiding in your lawn for the last month. ha! that still gives me the creeps!

the less i served the less i felt the spirit. the less i served the more bitter i became. the less i served the more involved with "my" problems and "my" self that i became. seriously, i think even one day i collapsed in bed crying over feline diabetes. i kid, i kid. (sorry PETA)

so what i know is this, those scriptures are always pretty darn right. 

“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it” Mathew 16:24-25

i'm starting to feel a little better, i'm almost caught up with the lice laundry (no joke). i'm cooking dinners and trying to write thank you cards to everyone ( always write, never mail! gah, i'm horrible at that). and i kid you not, around every corner is crappy feelings smacking me down and telling me to stay hibernated in my comfy hidey hole of sorrow, sadness and stretchy pants.

what i know today is that i am still learning that that first little voice you hear? is always right. "Maybe you should call her", or "I should stop and say hello" or "maybe they need a ride?" etc. etc. and i always dismiss those thoughts with, "No, they don't want to be bothered" or "I'm late" or "They can't ride in our messy car, I'll give a ride later".  

my goal is to learn how to listen to those first promptings and act! it's going to be a process that's for sure. i fail at that more regularly than almost anything else.

but here is also what i know, the sun is shining, my kids are healthy, ty still kisses me in the kitchen, we are blessed beyond measure and learning to serve is a process not a destination. i'm going to try better, any advice?

this was a beautiful talk about women. i highly recommend it.