small thoughts

Last night lying in bed next to my husband, everything seems perfect and complete and i can't imagine it getting any better. then in the morning i try to remember that feeling as i drag my sleepy body out of bed to get the two year old who is humming the star wars theme song so loudly it woke up his sister. I send her back to her room and take him into the fanily room. we talk about birthdays and woodpeckers and bouncy balls. he snuggles up and watches sesame street while i read my scriptures. The girls wake up. we eat breakfast, pack lunches, practice piano, argue about clothes and hairdo's, talk about the latest rainbow loom pattern and they get on the bus. their clothes are nicer than i ever had, their hair is cute and braided. they have pottery barn backpacks. i never had things like that. as i walk back to the house i worry i've spoiled them and they are ruined.

 i wrestle the two year into his room and changing table to change a stinky diaper. he hates it and thrashes his legs about. i wonder when he will potty train himself. as his scream reaches a new pitch i highly doubt it will be around 3years like his sisters (which is only a few months away). we drive to go work out, we decided to bring the bikes today. the two year old crashes 3 times just during my warm up. grandma comes out and saves the day. they count cactus blossoms and find ladybugs as i sweat and stumble trying to finish my exercises. i regret eating those cream cheese filled jalapeños last night.

as we run errands afterwards i watch my small toddlers running down the aisle at home hardware and variety. it's hard to imagine they are mine. their energy, height and volume levels almost are identical. most days i can't believe how happy they are. they embrace every morning with joy and hope. things like seeing the fish at the store complete their week.  eating lunch can have lots of laughs or tears and always, always, always a spilled drink. driving in the car is so much fun! or it is so very not fun! we pull over and watch construction sites for 10-15 minutes at a time. we collect ladybugs and ants and lizards. somedays we watch an incredible amount of too much tv. walks take a longer time than i ever desire and my pockets in the stroller are constantly filled of dirt filled shells from the ditch bank. we read a lot of books. they throw a lot of toys at each other. one of them bites...hard. they both loathe time out and love tickles. any music put on can produce a dance show. yelling is an acceptable form of arguing. any sharp instrument can be turned into a lethal light saber. any comment can hurt feelings. even the small burnt cookies i feed them can brighten an entire day.

every day with the two littles is physically exhausting, and every day with the two olders is emo tionally/mentally exhausting. after spending a day working on not spilling cheerios with the 2yr old and watching the 3 year old cheer him on, i'm positive they both are going to turn out just wonderful.

 if i try very hard to clear my  thoughts, i faintly remember feeling those same feelings when their older sisters were the same ages. they adored walks around the block, library trips and watercolors, reading and libraries and lots of laughter filled those days also. maybe cute backpacks and fighting over hairdo's can't ruin all of that after all. i sincerely hope not.