night and day

when we moved here four years ago my days were crazy full. 3 kids at home, pregnant, remodeling the house. my nights were my sanctuary, ty was home, i could work out, i could read, i could visit with friends.

teaching an exercise class was just right for me. i had a creative outlet, i could smile and relate with other moms. i met a TON of new friends. it made me happy! so very happy!

over the last few years, my days are slowly getting more simple. and i love it! the two littles love walking or jogging with me in the double stroller (I only have two at home all day!). they love playing in my parents weight room while i lift. it definitely doesn't hurt that grandma visits with us either, we all love that.

as my days are simplified, our nights have changed. ty has a busier church schedule on week nights now. sports and piano fill up the empty gaps. the girls have more homework, more emotional issues that need "bed time" talk. the house is messier at night, the meals need more prep, more clean up, more time. ty and i squeeze in a half hour of couch time, reading, watching mindless tv and staring at our phones together.

as i'm getting in my workouts in the daytime, i still kept teaching aerobics at night. why? because i wanted to make other people happy. of course i was always happier after a class, ALWAYS. i love working out in groups. but the time and effort it took just to make OTHER people happy wasn't worth it in the end. so with much thought and deliberation I finally decided to quit teaching. oh, it was painful, is still painful. i won't see my friends all the time at night! i won't be "teaching", and that fulfills me. i will be less "In shape!" because teaching pushes you to an entirely different level of exercise.

but i can't deny the constant pull of simplifying my nights these days. and simplify i must try.

my babies will grow, my kids will leave, my nights will become simple again.

but not today. today they are little, today they need me, today i choose home.