Step 1: Don't clean your house. I'm not talking loads of laundry or dusting, I'm talking, don't sweep, don't pick up, don't do anything for that day... at all. Even better, if you don't have kids, walk around the house throwing shoes, toys, utensils, hair ties, bobby pins, crayons, paper, 8 million cups and some bodily fluids all over every surface of the house. I'm talking under the couches, on the tables, everywhere.
Step 2: Wait. Just...wait. Don't worry either, without a doubt someone will be over to "visit" or "chat".
It's funny, most of of the time I utilize this method I actually am NOT in the mood to see anyone for the day. You know, "one of those days" where you just want to survive. You would think that after several years I would utilize this method to my advantage and clean like crazy to ensure complete quiet and isolation. Nope, still learning.
We just had one of "those days" last week.
We just had one of "those days" last week.
It went like this:aunt flo showed up first thing in the morning so I slept in and got a late workout. The kids wanted to swim and I wanted some sanity so instead of having time to get the dishes done and tidy up, we dashed out the door with the sunscreen and goggles in tow. We ended up swimming longer than usual because that was the last day that week to swim. Once home, exhausted, and in the house, lunch fed, I threatened the girls with their lives if they were loud while I tried to put Rodney down for a nap. For your information, he only naps 1-2 times a week now, say a prayer for me thanks. Once he was in his bed I could tell he wasn't going to nap, but I would get a good hour of him smashing his toys together and disembowling a bad guy. Victory was mine! I was so done already with the day. I threw a huge Tupperware bowl full of buttered popcorn (face palm) at the girls, put on a movie and went to take a nap. But wait...it gets better. I also said our "Project" for the day was going through all of their clothes for school. It's official, I'm an idiot. I had them, by themselves, remove all of their clothes from their drawers and sort them in the family room while I napped.
If you are a mom, you know where this story is going. When I woke up from my 30 minute nap to Rodney growling, "mooooooom!" "mooooooom!" because his destruction was complete and he was bored, I walked out into the family room to what I assume the remains of a popcorn tornado look like. It was almost as if some "girl" had taken the bowl of remaining popcorn and greasy kernel shells and flung it through the air like a frisbee, willing, with her evil brain, popcorn pieces to fall into absolutely every crack of the room. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. And the clothes, well, what happens when you ask children to make "piles" and they are unsupervised is just chaotic mounds of crap. You can't tell where one mound ends and another begins. There were a few toys and even a shoe stuck in the piles too. What? At this point you just stop questioning your decision making skills and why you even created life.
I was defeated, on all ends. I put on another tv show and retreated to my room to read. I just did not care. The mounds could wait. The whining could wait. The clean up could wait.
But wait? What's that sound? Of course, someone is in the driveway....
Yes, Ty's grandparents drove over to see how the kids and I were doing while dad was away with Scouts. I'm pretty sure they got the most honest answer ever with their first glance of my house. We chatted and I ignored the mess, I promised I vacuum every day (because I really truly do) to try and stop the ebb of dignity seeping from my soul. We had a great visit, they left. We eventually sorted the clothes (that night I might add!) and got all the popcorn cleaned up.
I should admit that by this day my dryer had been broken for 11 days. ELEVEN. I don't care how hot it is outside, and how easy it is to line dry everything, I only love several things in this world and two of those things are my washer and dryer. This is complete honesty people. Also, I'm seriously considering giving the popcorn maker away, why do I even have the blasted thing? It's out to get me. So are the kids, but I guess I have to keep them.
Long story short, how is your summer going? Any visitors?
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