i gave away my iPhone

disgust, shock and confusion. those are the universal looks i receive when i tell people that i am no longer a smart phone owner. yes, i did it. something i have been contemplating since the first initial "high" of having my iPhone wore off, and i realized what had changed in my life, and i wanted my old life back. just thinking about writing down all of my thoughts and emotions like this has been a little daunting, so i am just going to vomit it all out in one quick post.

a little over two weeks ago, i finally went in for my long overdue upgrade at verizon. the line was quite long, so i meandered and perused all of the options. i already knew i was getting the iphone6, but it was fun to check everything else out. some other people wanted to touch and ogle the iPhones so i scooted over to the iPads, which were directly across from the basic phones aka dumb phones. when the sales associate started talking, i asked him to price out the iPhone 6 as an option, or the iPad mini and a basic phone. i thought 'what the heck, i'm going to do it'. i've wanted to get rid of my smart phone for years. i love it dearly, but it has complete control over me. i can pick it up to answer a text and 15 minutes later pull my head out of trivia crack or pinterest. i had tried and tried to be the "master" of my phone, and not the other way around, and yet...i always lost the battle. over and over and over again.

i am starting to teach ballet again this year, and i knew that i need to be more organized and efficient at home. i don't have the spare time to meander all over every app and check fb twenty times a day. i want to dedicate my family time to family, my home time to my home and work to work. drastic measure were needed. i had a lump in my throat, and as my stomach flipped and flopped i stood there and purchased a basic phone and an iPad and watched them take my little iPhone away. and i was devastated.

my iPhone was amazing. i might be a little biased, since purchasing my first cute turquoise mac for college (and not one university class program was formatted for anything other than pcs by the way, i just want the young hip college kids to understand the struggle for Mac lovers in 2000). the design is minimal, sleek, genius, beautiful. apple products understand me, it's always been a symbiotic relationship.

but here are a few things i noticed about my relationship with my phone, and the things that i could still have on my iPad. considering i spend about 90% of my time at home i really didn't need a portable smart phone. i would have the iPad.

1. the calendar kept me organized...yet i still would forget or confuse birthdays and appointment times and dates. guess what, my iPad has this.
2. my menstrual calendar helped me understand my food cravings and sudden disgust with all of humanity, including my beautiful children and handsome husband. it also helped me diagnose my ectopic pregnancy, very grateful for that. again, iPad.
3. texting! TEXTING! so fun and easy to text. i could keep in touch with friends and siblings with a quick touch of my fingers. enter picture messages and emoticons and i was in heaven. i also would ignore my kids and to-do list to endlessly gossip on my phone. and did i mention my husband doesn't text...at all? my iPad has iMessage, but it is infinitely less alluring and fun than on my iPhone.
4. INSTAGRAM. beautiful beautiful instagram. pictures in my palm of friends, family, strangers. instagram helped me find my favorite trainer/friend Marisa! She saved me after my ectopic pregnancy, I can always be grateful for instagram. i count the DAYS of time added up spending time stalking people on instagram...and judging them. same thing with the iPad, instagram has completely lost its allure. i check every few days on friends and family, but it is just not the same as on a smart phone.
5. email. my iPad is much easier for email actually. i have a little keyboard, and when ty and i watch tv at night i can catch up on everything quick and simply.
6. camera, oh. i will miss that camera. so easy to take pics, videos and send and share to everyone. guess what though? no more temptation to take a selfie lol. iPad selfie, bwahahahaha. i have a brand new nikon and i took it on our vacation, and compared to everyone else snapping away with their cute smart phones, i felt like a polygamist with full on tidal wave bangs and leggings and reeboks poking out under my tarp dress.

BUT BUT BUT! my basic phone has bluetooth (I know right?) so my phone calls come easily into our car for hands free driving.

My basic phone only needs to be charged about once a WEEK. Read that again. No more frantically looking for outlets or car chargers my friends.

my basic phone has texting, and it is LABORIOUS. click, click, click, click. ugh ugh ugh. it drives me crazy. but i remember what texting used to be, it was a quick form of sending important information. and if it was a long list of things you would email them. and guess what? email is on my computer and iPad for when i have "time" to check and respond. did you catch that? i don't have to reply at the whim of every person who assaults me with a text (because that's how it feels now). i can read important emails when i have some time, and quickly and efficiently and effectively reply with full thought. can i mention here that i probably gossip and waste time talking about stupid stuff approximately 80% less now that texting isn't fun? seriously, it isn't fun. texting on the iPhone is a beautiful thing. the colored text so you know who is talking. the little talk bubbles. the emoticons. laugh if you want, but for me it was a visceral experience.

now my phone is a...phone. you can call me! i know right? crazy. and if i don't have time to talk, i won't answer. if it's a quick text, that doesn't bother me at all. but long ones? forget about it. it feels like a complete waste of my time. things that felt essential before now are frivolous and giant time sucks. 

my biggest revelation from giving away my iPhone? taking a critical look at what was motivating me. taking pictures? my main motivation was catching something cute for isntagram or Facebook...other people. was it to capture a picture to have in a book or album to look at later? nope. since i got my iPhone i have printed out or organized approximately ONE BOOK, that was 20 pages long. 2 1/2 years, one book. that is despicable. i'm about 6,900 pictures behind to catch up on getting memories off our computer. 

now, pulling out my nikon and capturing a few and fun family moments, that i have to put onto my computer *gasp* and send to costco or chatbooks. do i really need dozens of photos every day? no. but honestly, not having the camera is probably the biggest downfall to not having my iPhone anymore. 

but...we just had a family camping trip with all of the Leavitts, and i'm not joking, everything was brighter. i feel like my senses are awakened with the absence of distraction. because that is what my iPhone was, a distraction. i enjoyed the car drive, talking with my kids, gazing at stars, listening to conversations, feeling the wind on my face, and get this....reading a book. will i ever regret reading in my spare time? NEVER. will i regret perusing Facebook and other apps? absolutely. without a doubt. no question.

also, watching other people with their faces stuck in their phones and texting 24/7 now is almost laughable. it just seems crazy. to me it feels like when coca-cola still had cocaine in it, and nobody knew. i bet the whistle blower on that one made hundreds of friends...not.

hahahaha, um...yeah. all humor aside, i still have so many other emotions and revelations about this switch, and i still question it every day. i've currently experienced every grieving emotion over 50 times. up and down and all around just like a roller coaster:

DENIAL

SADNESS

ANGER

BARGAINING

ACCEPTANCE

all more proof that i was truly addicted to my phone. i'm sad right now just writing about it. do i think this is for everyone to do? absolutely not. am i glad that i switched, yes... most of the time.

but the real clincher that this was the right decision for me happened on the drive home from verizon. the girls were chatting in the back seat about my "new, weird phone" that you can't push the screen and one of them said, "I'm so glad mom gave away her old phone, she never listened to us when she had it".

you can pull and twist that knife out of my heart right about...now. 

am i more present now? yes.

 am i happier? yes. 

do i feel completely out of place and a loner? yes.

just look at those sentences and i think you will agree with me that the important things that matter are there. so yes, i'm happy with the switch, but please don't send me long texts with emoticons! unless you are on iMessage, then send away to anniecleavitt@gmail.com and i will get back to you when i have time. 

If you are interested in reading more about smart phone addiction, here are a few articles: 

My iPhone addiction was making me a terrible mom
iPhone addiction 
a few steps to manage smart phone addiction (i've tried all of these steps HUNDREDS of times)

and one of my favorite clips on technology and unhappiness: